


From Desert to Home

by countrygirlsfun



Series: The Life of a Soldier [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Military, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, Kindergarten Teacher Derek Hale, Letters, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Single Parent Stiles Stilinski, soldier Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3174142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/countrygirlsfun/pseuds/countrygirlsfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you meet your pen pal and they're perfect even when life isn't?</p><p>Little does Stiles know that the teacher who started writing him letters a few months into his last deployment with the Army would become the person he would lean on the most when his life changes forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Starts With Some Letters

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Air Mail.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1518932) by [Handsofred](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Handsofred/pseuds/Handsofred). 



> Hi there! 
> 
> If if you haven't read [Air Mail](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1518932/chapters/3211391/) by [Handsofred](http://handsofred.tumblr.com/) you should go read it.  
> When I read that story I thought "What would happen if the roles were reversed? Like if Stiles was the soldier and Derek was the teacher how would that work?" Before I wrote anything I asked her permission, **which she gave** , to rewrite her story but with the roles reversed. The first two chapters follow her storyline with a few differences. 
> 
> The second two chapters and the sequel are original ideas from me. 
> 
> Hope this clears up any concerns or confusion! Enjoy!

Hi there!

 ~~To whom it may concern,~~  
~~Sir/Ma’am,~~  
~~Faithful soldier,~~

Friend,

I hope friend isn’t too forward of a greeting. My name is Derek, I am twenty-nine years old and I’m writing with my kids here to good soldiers like yourself. If you’re reading this you’ve pulled my letter from a shoebox filled with others just like it. Well, they should all look like this; I’m using pen, but I think a couple of them used crayons before I caught them.

This isn’t my first time writing to a soldier like yourself yet I still find myself apprehensive. My sisters have teased me for most of my life for being quiet and apparently communicating through writing isn’t any different. Despite having written like this before I often don’t know what to say or ask most of the time. So while this letter might be short I hope to get better the more we talk.

This is the fourth time my kids and I have written to soldiers. It’s a project we try to do once a year. We like to fill the box so they can be spread out within your unit. Surprisingly, the kids understand quite well when soldiers can’t or don’t respond sometimes. Somehow even though they’re so young, they recognize that soldiers can’t always have anything to say or have the time to write back. But we know that sometimes units can have some people with no one to write home to or get letters from. So we try to send you guys some love and support from this side of the world and try to give you a connection with what’s happening back home.

I’d like to write more but it looks like one of the kids is going for the glitter glue. There’s something in his eyes, I just know he’s got plans for that shit. (Don’t tell my kids I said a bad word. They didn’t let me live it down the last time.)

Keep safe soldier, wherever you may be.

You’re not alone,

Derek Hale

*

Mr. Hale

Your greeting of friend isn’t too forward at all. It sounds like the perfect opening to a letter in fact. It’s nice to be recognized as a person instead of simply by my job. I don’t have many close friends, but my best friend here says I shouldn’t turn away anyone willing to try to befriend me. Apparently it gets easier to find topics to write about as you go along.

I think it’s fairly selfless to take time out of your busy day to write a letter to someone you don’t even know. And to put in the effort to wrangle your kids to do the same is admirable. The truth is there _are_ a few guys in my unit who don’t have supportive family to write home to. I think a lot of them enjoyed reading the letters from the kids and sent out the responses they wrote.

I would say that you have no reason to be apprehensive but I guess I can understand it. But it shouldn’t stem from us being soldiers. We’re still just people underneath our uniforms.

You’re twenty-nine? Just from the way you write you seem younger. And kids? You have me intrigued, how many do you have?

I myself am a single father with a five year old daughter at home. She stays with her grandfather and godmother while I'm gone. They both love her just as much as I do; they're on the short list of people I really trust. "Not fun" doesn't even begin to describe how much it hurts to miss out on so much of her life but I at least get to read her letters and we try to Skype at least twice a month. It’s hard being away but I’m needed here for now.

You keep a close eye on that glitter glue. It can end up in places you wouldn’t believe, trust me.

S. Stilinski

*

Soldier Stilinski!

I’m glad I wasn’t too bold. I never know what kind of person will end up with my letter and sometimes they don’t respond. But I guess this is a small way that I and my kids can try to give back to the people protecting us. It’s hard with such varying opinions on the war, and soldiers themselves must have a hard time sometimes just dealing with their own opinions but the one thing I do know is this. Our public servants, firefighters, cops, soldiers, you all deserve our support, love, and care no matter what.

I have a sister who is a firefighter back home and I couldn’t imagine not supporting her in what she does. It’s unthinkable to me that some people disrespect our military personnel. You all do your jobs and protect us who lack the bravery to do the same. It's not the individual soldier's fault for generals and politicians who make god awful decisions.

Anyway. Mini rant on my feelings about soldiers and public servants in general I guess. But I have more questions for you!

Kids! I didn’t really explain that, did I? I have about 18 kids. At this point I should probably mention that I’m a teacher. I teach kindergarten here in New York City so my kids are anywhere from 5-6 years old. I get a lot of ‘you don’t look like an elementary teacher’ from parents and people I meet. So it’s kind of nice to be judged without you knowing my appearance.

You’re a daddy deployed! As if I didn’t respect you enough already. I watch my kids’ parents come in to drop them off in the mornings and pick them up after school and I can’t help but smile at the love that’s there. Kids are such a blessing to be around and the parents I deal with are the best. They all know how great their kids are. I hope for both you and your little girls sake’s that you get to come home to stay very soon.

I couldn’t even begin to think about how much you miss each other.

Respectfully,

Mr. Hale

*

Hail, Hale!

It seems you write back as soon as you get my letters! I’ve never written someone with such timely responses. Not even my dad writes as frequently and quickly as you do. I really am enjoying getting your letters in mail call. It breaks up the monotony of being between missions.

I do miss my daughter. She is the one thing I can’t ever begin to not miss. I can get over the heat and the clothes and the missions and the living conditions. But I will never be able to not think about her every day I’m gone.

When I read the part about having 18 kids I may have yelled, 'what?!' so loud that Scott came over to see what was wrong. I can’t fathom teaching 18 six-year-old's. When I was last home my daughter had just turned five and it was an adventure just keeping up with her! And by adventure I mean exhausting. How do you keep them contained and occupied?

You are also to be commended for your work, though. It takes a special kind of person to be able to mold the minds of our kids. It’s not an easy task for sure. And your appearance has no bearing on your ability to do your job. I hope you tell those people exactly where they can shove it. I had to deal with the same thing when I enlisted. I was too skinny and clumsy to make a good soldier, right? Six years later and they don't want me to leave.

Appreciatively,

Soldier Stiles

PS Have you seen a greeting like that a lot with your last name or is this the first time?

***

 

***

Stiles,

Remember that time so long ago that you started the letter with 'Hail, Hale!'? Did I ever tell you the story of the first person to say that?

I was in my freshman year at NYU and I made the mistake of walking in on a medieval reenacting club with my best friends. The club asked our names and half the room practically shouted, “Hail, Hale!” We never wanted to be there in the first place and didn’t ever go back, but my friends didn’t stop using the greeting for the rest of the semester.

I hope you are safe. It’s been months of these letters now and I don’t think I’ve expressed that wish since the first time we wrote.

I don’t know if it’s the city or what, but lately it’s been a battle between boredom and stress. I don’t know what’s changed but my routine is just lame now. I mean, going to work, going home, occasionally ordering in; it’s all lost my interest. I’ve been happy here even though my college friends all went back to Cali right after graduation. It used to be enough to just socialize with my coworkers. Lately I'm more prone to coming home from work and curling up on my couch with Netflix. It's just frustrating that I’m always bored more than I’m entertained. And then I’ve been having more nightmares than I know what to do with. I can’t imagine you have never had one, but I hope you don’t have to deal with them too often. I don't know what to do. I'm getting sick of not sleeping and being tired all the time. I know I shouldn't complain. It’s been unseasonably warm in the city but I’m sure it’s nothing to the heat you deal with.

Tiredly,

Derek

*

Derek,

Oh god, the heat and the sand. The sand gets everywhere no matter what precautions you take.

I long for a shower. My shower. My showerhead with the good water pressure and clean hard water. I ache for it. I just got off a skype call with my little girl and she had just emerged from a bath. Her hair was all wet and tangled and I’d never seen anything so beautiful.

Except of course it made me long for my home and my shower and my bed.

I try my best to stay safe. It’s in the job description not to be though.

I’m sorry you’re unhappy in New York. Could you be homesick? You always talk about your family with fondness. Why do you stay away in New York all the way across the country from them if you don’t have any problems with them? Is there something keeping you in the city? Maybe it’s New York that’s making you stressed?

Nightmares are far from easy to deal with. I don’t have them regularly. Here especially I am mostly too exhausted at the end of the day to dream much. But when I’m home on leave and removed from the battlefield I will have one or two. You should go home and see your family. It might help even if it’s just a break.

I’m going on a new, longer assignment soon. Please don’t worry too much if my responses take a little longer than normal. I always enjoy hearing about you and your daily life. It lets me live in your world for a little bit of time as I read your letters.

Stay safe yourself,

Stiles

*

Dear Stiles,

I think I’ll take your advice and go home for a break. I don’t know what’s keeping me here anymore. It used to be the city and the distance. You’re right though, I don’t have issues with my family outside of their interfering habits. I came to school to escape their…influence? And being on the other side of the country was too nice to give up, even after four years. My mother has wanted me home for the holidays for a few years now so I think I’ll go back for Thanksgiving. Even though it’s a few months away it’s nice to have a plan.

I’ll no longer complain about the crappy water pressure in my apartment shower because at least I have hot water and no sand to deal with. Although some days it feels like just walking down the streets in the city can leave you gritty and dirty.

I know we don’t ever discuss your missions or what you do in these letters but I’ve drawn conclusions from what you’ve written and I can’t imagine what would warrant a longer assignment but again, try your best to be safe.

Finally rested,

Derek Hale

*

Stiles

I feel like a student impatiently waiting for a response with no real conception of time. But having very real knowledge of the time since I last sent my letter and comparing it to how long it normally takes for you to get it I am starting to worry. I know you said you’re on a longer assignment so I hope that the letter simply was lost. I hope you are okay.

Derek

*

Soldier Stiles,

I’m sitting here hoping that once again my letter has simply been lost. The alternative is that _you_ are lost and I refuse to believe that.

My family has been ~~pressuring me~~ been more vocal as of late that I need to be closer to home. I guess I can’t really argue with them. I was only supposed to be in New York for school. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with the city and stay for a few extra years at an elementary school in the suburbs. I know when I fly home to California that they’ll try to convince me to stay. I’m getting closer to actually wanting to be back home. I’m willing to admit that the city is starting to affect me and I have begun to miss my ~~overbearing~~ family. I came out here for a chance to get away from my family for a time. I know I should be grateful to have them especially having lived through the time when our house nearly burned down around us all. But I couldn’t help but feel suffocated in my hometown where everyone knew me and my family was all around and interfering. I could hardly have a bad day without half my family calling to ask what was wrong.

So the tickets are bought and I’m going home. I’d like to be able to tell them about my friend the soldier who made it through his last mission safely. Write as soon as you can so I know you’re okay.

Derek

*

Stiles

It’s been two months and you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I saw on the news about the latest missing in action numbers. I’m starting to think you’re one of those people. But I refuse to give up hope. Please be alright.

I miss you.

**

Dad,

Sorry this will be short. I know my commander talked to you so you know I’ve been ‘found’ but I needed to write anyway. All other communication is down where I’m at so just know that I am alive. I am relatively whole and I am safe. I have to write the same to my friend I told you about. He continued sending me letters even with no responses. I don’t know what to make of that, dad.

I don’t know how you did this. We lost more men from our unit on that mission. And I just don’t know how you did this.

Stay safe and eat your vegetables

Love you dad

Stiles

**

Soldier Stiles

I sent back the letter you meant for your father.

I wrote to keep myself from going crazy. I had to have hope. This isn’t just some classroom assignment for me Stiles, it’s been months of letters and getting to know you. I hope you know you are my friend. Just because we haven’t met in person doesn’t mean this isn’t real.

I hope you feel the same.

Derek H.

*

Friend Derek

I need to apologize for not writing sooner I didn't mean to make you worry longer than you already were.

 ~~I've tried~~  Every time I would try to write I failed to know what to say. It's so hard to explain when I _can't_ explain. 

My job is not easy. My last mission was successful in the eyes of my commanding officer. But my conscience doesn't feel the same. I've been in a bad headspace since then to the point my unit as started calling me the grumpy guy again when they think I'm not listening. 

I am sorry to have made you worry and for the curtness of this letter. I'm still trying to work through it all but this mission ...it's making it more difficult than usual to do so. 

I am glad to know I have a friend worried about me who I know I could count on to help me through all this if I weren’t thousands of miles away.

Apologetically,

Stiles 

*

Stiles,

There really isn’t anything to apologize for. I wish there was something I could do to help more than just these letters. I missed our conversations and hearing about your adventures with Scott.

Part of what made my heart ache was thinking of your daughter. About if the Army had told your father and her about your status if indeed you were missing. Or if she was just left with unanswered Skype calls. I only hope both she and your father have people around them to help them when things like this happen. Working with kids around her age I know how much she could understand about where you are and what you do. I have had students with military family before but they all had large families around them to support them. I just hope she has people around her to support her and help her with her worries she must have.

After a few unhealthy and harmful relationships with both men and women the single life has treated me well. It would take a lot for me to change anything about that. I would bring so much baggage to a relationship I don’t know that I’d ever find a healthy one. But theses letters, our friendship means more to me than any of those people ever did. And I realize now I sound quite sappy but I do love kids and adoption doesn’t really go well for a single working bisexual man. So I throw myself into my work and love on my students as much as I can without playing favorites.

Anyway, your daughter is lucky to have such a strong, devoted father like yourself.

Patiently,

Derek

*

Derek

You say such nice, nice things sir.

Not once have you pressured me to fully explain why I have a 6 year old daughter with no mention of a wife or girlfriend. You haven’t asked but the little I know of you suggests you’re curious anyway.

When I was growing up my mom was best friends with another woman who was a daughter of a first generation Polish immigrant couple. They’d bonded in college over their commiseration of their families and as they started families of their own their connections only grew stronger. They even got pregnant around the same time. So when my mom had a boy and her friend had a girl they joked that we’d be perfect for each other.

The joke lasted through our childhood into our teenage years and even past our high school graduation. Heather and I were very close friends; she was the first person I told about maybe being bisexual. And it was after her second year of college and I’d just finished basic training that we decided we’d try dating. We slept together and both decided we’d really only be friends to each other. A few months later and we found out Heather was pregnant.

She wanted the baby and so did I if I’m being honest. It wasn’t the conventional way to have children but I knew I wanted kids one day anyway so we didn’t have any problems with it happening. She kept going to school and I was working on base for the time being. After our daughter was born we lived together so I could help out.

When she was a year old I got recommended for special training and got sent off away from home for nearly six months. I was on my way home and she was driving to the store when she got hit by a drunk driver. She died instantly and I became a single dad. My daughter was miraculously unharmed in the accident.

But with the special training it put me on the fast track for deployment. I’d already been selected to deploy and had to leave two months after the accident.

Sorry for the downer of a story but I guess I felt like I was ready to tell you.

I just talked to her actually on Skype and my daughter told me nearly half her class is gone with the flu. Somehow she managed not to catch it quite yet. I hope you have not caught anything from your own kids. I can’t imagine sick days as a teacher are easy.

Stay safe and healthy Mr. Hale.

Stiles

*

Friend Stiles,

I hate to dash your hopes but alas, I have been home sick for 3 school days. It’s unprecedented. My mother felt she needed to come take care of me. That’s how bad I sounded just in a phone call on the last day I worked. I have entertained myself by rereading our letters. I’m a weirdo and copied my own letters before I sent them so I could keep track of what I’ve said and sent. Do you realize we’ve been talking for almost 8 months now? I hope for your sake you get to come home soon.

My family is pushing for me to move home now that they know how miserable I have become here. There’s possibly going to be an opening at the elementary in my hometown for the second half of the year. And with how I’m feeling now I’m tempted to look into it and apply.

Christmas is fast approaching and I can’t begin to understand your thoughts on the matter. As it stands here, I am dealing with some backlash for a letter I sent home with my kids about the holidays. To explain a little I wrote a short note about the fact that the kids in my class come from all different income backgrounds and that knowing my kids like I do, I know they talk about Santa and what they’ve asked for. I just said that something that could be helpful is if Santa could bring the kids things that are useful. Like a new toothbrush and chapstick and socks rather than big expensive gifts. I explained I wasn’t telling the parents what to do or what to give their children just that if they are able to give their kids a bigger, more expensive gift to say it was from them and not from Santa because of problems it could cause in the classroom. But it seems I’ve overstepped. The parents were quite receptive and almost all thanked me the following Monday for bringing the matter to their attention but of course one parent had to misunderstand and tell my boss and now I’m supposedly in trouble. (Honestly the principle loves me though.)

You mentioned once you need more socks and you miss your civilian clothes so I may take my nieces and nephews shopping with me when I go to get your presents. I hope you get your package soon!

Thank you for giving me that part of yourself Stiles. And thank you for trusting me. Don’t think that I never asked because I didn’t want to know. I simply wanted you to _want_ to tell me about your situation.

If I miss a letter over the holiday it’s because I will be home for the weeks we get off from school.

Stay safe dear friend,

Derek

**

_Dear Mystery Man,_

_I don’t know what you did or said that made Stiles let you in but I just have to thank you. I have known him since preschool and I’ve been with him through all the highs and lows. He hasn’t been the same since Heather. I imagine he just wouldn’t let himself grieve. But I thought you should know when he gets your letters I see him smile again._

_And when your Christmas package came, he laughed and then he cried._ _I may have been his friend since forever but I was never into the comics and Star Wars or anything geeky like he and Heather were. I don't know if that was a shot in the dark that you sent him Marvel and Batman civies and everything but I think he's finally grieving. I mean, I know he is I had to take him to the infirmary until he was ok._

_I just didn't know if he'd tell you any of this or just what your package you sent meant to him and I just wanted to thank you for helping one of my best friends._

_Sgt. S. McCall_

 

**

Derek

Thank you for your gifts. ~~I can't explain~~ I just don't know how to explain my reaction without being embarrassed but I'm told Scott already wrote to you about it.  

I told you about Heather. But a big part of my life is that I had an 18 month old little girl and an upcoming deployment to worry about and didn't let myself process the death of my close friend and the mother of our child. 

When I broke down here I was as close to being impaired as if I was drunk. I cried. I couldn't stop and Scott took me to the infirmary until I could pull myself together. I don't think that either of us could have guessed what would happen as a result of Captain America boxers. 

Someday if we meet in person I’ll tell you about the whole day long ordeal that your present sparked.

Did you go talk to the school while you were home for Christmas? Did your stress simply disappear like in movies when you left the big city and got home?

Thankfully yours,

Stiles

  
*

Stiles,

I was speechless when I got the letter from Scott. I thought that I was picking things I enjoyed so I thought I would share that part of myself with you. While I’m sorry to have brought up such bad memories I guess I’m grateful I could help you work through it. However inadvertent it came about grieving is a good thing to let yourself process.

The stress melted away as if I’d left it on the plane and it flew back to New York without me. I realized how much I do miss my family and how easy it would be to move back. Even easier because there will be a position opening up and I’ve decided to take it. I got to meet the class just once but I already think I’m in love.

This little girl was there with the biggest brown eyes and cutest braids. We talked at length at lunch about her Iron Man t-shirt and her mini chucks she was wearing. I am very excited to move home now and I can’t help but thank you for helping me see that I needed to.

As of now I’m packing and getting ready to hand my class here in NY off to the new teacher. Moving isn’t going to be that great but I’ll have some time to settle in before I start on March 1st.

If I miss a letter I apologize in advance but the people moving in have already agreed to forward my mail for me should anything come after I’ve moved out.

I hope you get to come home soon.

Derek

*

Derek!

I’m excited for you! You’ll be home with your family and I just bet your insomnia and nightmares are going to happen less and less frequently. I don’t envy you moving across the country though. But your news makes my news not so bad. You won’t have as much time to write and I won’t be where you’re writing to!

I’ve been given leave. Two whole months home with my dad and little girl. I just realized. We broke fifty letters a month ago and I’ve never mentioned where I live in California when I’m home. If you’re around Beacon Hills look up one Stiles Stilinski. I’ll hopefully get stateside in the first week of March sometime so we’ll both be in California at the same time.

After all we’ve written and been through I can’t think of anyone I’d like to meet more when I get home.  
I’ll miss writing you.

Keep yourself safe friend,

Stiles

***


	2. Stateside: Round One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles' leave goes a bit differently than he expected it to go.

Part of Derek is disappointed in himself that he couldn’t make it in New York. He’d thought he could survive without his overbearing, smothering, wonderful family. Whether it was the city or the distance or the amount of time he spent there he can’t do it anymore. He misses their support and their meddling. What did the most in convincing Derek that he needed to leave the city was Stiles.

Stiles who only knows Derek through letters was able to tell that Derek needed his family, that he needed to go home. Of all the people Derek has written to with his class none have lasted as long his correspondence with Stiles has. He normally would get a couple letters in response as the soldiers became too busy or had nothing in common with Derek to discuss.

Stiles though has been writing back and forth with Derek for over seven months. It’s not just casual small talk either; they’ve talked about Stiles’ daughter and her mother. They’ve talked about how even after some terrible relationships Derek hasn’t given up and identifies as bisexual. How Stiles is similar even though he hasn’t had a real relationship since his daughter was born. They’ve talked about the benefits of one night stands and how it can ease the lonely feeling inside if even just for a little while. Derek told him about his ridiculous family and Stiles told him about his parents and the loss of his mother. When Stiles was missing Derek had been sick with worry. His own nightmares and insomnia got so bad he had to take sick days to try and get some sleep.

When he went home for Christmas it was like he could finally breathe again. The air was clean, the town was small, everyone knew his face and his family and friends were all there. Derek’s high school group had gone to NYU all together but Boyd, Erica and Isaac all moved back after graduation. Derek was the only one who took a job in the city and stayed.

So when Beacon Hills Elementary called him knowing his qualifications already and that he was in town, he couldn’t _not_ go in to see if there was a position he wanted. As it turned out the current kindergarten teacher was pregnant and was due in mid-March. This was going to be her third child and she had decided over the holidays that she wouldn’t continue teaching so she could be a stay at home mom with her kids. This put the school in the position of needing a new kindergarten teacher instead of just a long term substitute.

It was too perfect to pass up and Derek spent the rest of his break arranging to take California licensing tests and looking for a place to live. The school he’d been teaching at in New York was actually a sought after position so he knew the school would have no issue in finding a new teacher to replace him. As unusual as it is to not finish a school year it’s not unheard of and Derek couldn’t pass up this opportunity.

Which is how he finds himself in his current position of moving back home. He’d spent a few weeks organizing his curriculum and then another week going over it with the teacher the school hired to replace him. It was an easy enough transition there.

Packing up his apartment was less fun. He decided to just pack up his books and belongings and sold the furniture. None of it was irreplaceable. Well, he did take an antique desk he’d bought as an undergrad and his favorite chair in a U-Haul truck to take back with him to California.  After the three day trip he was exhausted and slept for most of a day at his parents’ house.

Thanks to his ever meddling family he already had a house he could move into and it was partially furnished for him by the time he got back. One of them knew the person at the bank, so the bank let them sign temporarily for the house so they could start moving stuff in for Derek. The house itself needs some work but the kitchen and living room all got furnished by his very excited mother. Surprisingly she even picked things _Derek_ would like instead of what she would do with the house.

When he actually sees the house for the first time in person he’s genuinely really excited. The desk and his favorite chair go into the office on the west side of the house to take full advantage of the afternoon sun. He goes out and buys a new bed and bedroom set. He’s always had a thing for cherry wood and the style he picked out comes in that kind of wood.  Talia had picked up some tan paint and Derek is going to use it to paint his bedroom and a wall in his dining room.

Okay so the house needs more work than Derek is willing to admit. But he will admit that his family knew how much he’d enjoy it. He’s been so busy he hasn’t even read the last letter from Stiles that came the day he was finally driving out of the city.

Somehow he gets most of the interior work done and with help from his mother it’s all decorated by the time he goes to start working. A week in and the little girl he’d fallen for back in January has captured most of his attention whenever he isn’t working with the teacher. It’s going to be really hard not to play favorites when he’s on his own with these kids.

His first weekend after he starts shadowing he spends outside. It’s way too hot for early spring but he didn’t think anything of staying out all day Saturday in the sunshine even after he got a headache. He simply drank part of a glass of water to take some aspirin and went to bed. He worked outside, enjoying the heat, all day Sunday too. But by Monday he’s really not feeling too good. They’ve got some sort of assembly to go to but he’s not really focused. Mrs. Dahl, the teacher he’s replacing, eventually expresses her concern on their way to the gymnasium for the assembly.

“Mr. Hale, you’re not lookin’ so good.”

“I’m alright, Mrs. Dahl, just a little tired.” He lies as they walk through the halls. He helps her get all the kids seated and makes his way to stand at the back of the gym. He tips his head back against the wall and closes his eyes trying to think about why he feels so shitty. He lets himself rest there for a few moments that turn into minutes.

“Hey, is he okay?”

He hears someone ask. Derek knows he hasn’t been at this school long but he thought he’d met everyone. But the smooth voice from the doorway next to him he doesn’t recognize. He lets his head fall forward and opens his eyes to see Principle Deaton right in front of him. He startles and almost loses his balance for some reason but Deaton grips his shoulders and rights him.

“Derek, you need to go sit down. Go drink some water ok?”

He nods distractedly and walks past the person the voice must belong to. It’s a man Derek’s height with familiar brown eyes, a tired smile and dusty fatigues. He looks like he just got off a plane and is finally home and he smiles back at the stranger as he passes. As he walks away his brain manages to piece together that the assembly is probably a homecoming surprise.

Goddam if his head didn’t feel so weird he’d turn right around and go back to watch. Watching soldiers be reunited with their kids is one of the things that will always get to Derek. Some days when he needs cheering up he’ll sit and watch the YouTube compilations of soldier homecomings. Between the kids and the mothers and the dogs he always ends up crying ~~a little~~.

He tugs at his tie and regrets his choice of sweater vest over a long sleeve button down as he walks back to his classroom. It’s too hot in the school; he didn’t need to wear so many clothes. When was the last time he had anything to drink?

*

Stiles is both extremely excited and extremely tired. He got permission to get home early and surprise his baby girl and his dad but that meant a brutal flight schedule across the country. Of course they couldn’t get him a direct flight from New York to California; that would have been too easy. So he spent most of the last 20 hours flying for a couple hours, waiting in an airport for a few more and then repeating that until he finally landed in Beacon Hills where he got picked up by one of his dad’s deputies. Parrish was always the best at keeping secrets so after he gets his daughter they’re going to go surprise the Sheriff in his office.

He gets to the school and it’s easy enough to get into the main office where principle Deaton is waiting for him. They’ve got everything set up and ready Stiles finds out and his energy is buoyed at the thought of holding his daughter. Deaton turns him right around and walks him out of the office towards where Stiles knows the gym is.

As they walk in the building he spies a man standing back against the wall, head tipped back and eyes closed. He takes in the guy's shoulders and build and the stubble on a clean jawline. With the man's position Stiles can see the strength in his arms and his legs. Even as he stands vulnerable to attack his feet are spread to balance him and his arms are crossed protecting his chest. Stiles shakes his head at his out of place assessment. But he has Deaton go check on him because he looks pretty pale. The guy startles and Deaton has to practically catch him. Stiles wants to tell him to go drink a gallon of water and sit down because the guy looks like he’s having heat stroke where he stands.

The guy gives him a small smile as he goes out to get a drink and Stiles is once again focused on getting to see his daughter. He was three months into deployment when he first started writing Derek and it’s been eight months of that. So it’s been close to a year since he’s been able to pull his little girl into his arms.

He watches from the back as Deaton makes his way to the podium in front of the crowd of kids. He scans the crowd and finds Emily almost right away. She looks _perfect_ and Stiles doesn’t want to wait anymore. Deaton gets up to the microphone on stage and asks for a special volunteer and Stiles sees Emily shoot her hand up and wiggle around like her classmates trying to be seen. Deaton picks her out of the crowd and gets her up on stage with him.

He keeps her focus on him so she doesn’t look out over the crowd and see Stiles before she’s supposed to.

“What’s your name dear?” Deaton asks.

“Emily,” she says matter of factly, “but some people call me Emmy.”

Deaton chuckles at her pride and continues.

“Well, Emmy, today’s a special day. See, today is the day where I try and grant wishes. And since you volunteered you have to tell me your wish so I can grant it. Sound good?”

She nods vigorously.

“So, Emmy, what’s your one wish?”

“It can be anything in the world?”

“Anything.”

“Okay then.” She puts her hands on her hips as she stands firm in her decision. Something she’s seen her Grandpa do probably every day of her life. “I wish my daddy was home.” Her voice is strong but wavers slightly and betrays how badly she wishes for it to be true.

Stiles starts walking to the stage behind her as Deaton keeps her attention.

“Where has your dad been, Emmy?”

“He’s away fighting the bad guys with the army,” she says voice going soft. “He’s been there a long time now trying to protect people there.”

“It’s been almost a year right?” He asks her and Emmy nods. “What do you miss most about your dad?”

Stiles is behind her now but the kids in the audience are starting to understand who his is and are starting to make noise. Deaton keeps her attention just barely.

“His hugs.” She says voice wobbling.

“I bet you would want another one wouldn’t you?”

She simply nods and Stiles gets down on his knees next to the stage. Deaton turns her around and her eyes go wide before she runs to him. He wraps her up in his arms as she starts sobbing, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too sweetheart.”

He stands with her in his arms as the room applauds around them. Deaton nods at him and while he explains to the room who Stiles is, Stiles carries Emmy with him towards the back of the gym. He rubs a hand softly on her back until she calms down and pulls back to look at him.

“Are you home for good or a visit?”

He brushes damp hair from her face and wipes at the tear tracks on her cheeks.

“A visit, honey. I get to be home for over a month though so we’ll have lots of time together before I have to leave again. And then I’ll only be gone for a few more months and I’ll be coming home forever.”

Her eyes twinkle in surprise.

“Really? No more deployment?”

“No more deployment. I’ll be home and working on base for a little bit and then I’ll be working with Grandpa, how does that sound?”

She wraps her arms around his neck and squeezes him tight.

“Perfect, daddy. I missed you. Did you get my letter we’re getting a new teacher! He hasn’t been here until last week but he’s here now and you have to meet him.”

Stiles looks up to see Mrs. Dahl, the teacher he knows, smiling. He asks if they can meet her new teacher and Mrs. Dahl just smiles and says ‘sure’ and leads them out of the gym, leaving her class with another teacher. They’re walking to the classroom and Stiles puts Emily down and holds her hand as they walk. But as they come to the door of the classroom Stiles looks in and sees someone lying on the ground. He puts Emmy just outside the door and asks her to stay there while Mrs. Dahl walks as fast as she can to the phone on her desk to call for the nurse.

Stiles rushes to the guy’s side and he’s back in work mode in an instant. Two fingers find a pulse on the man’s throat and as he straightened the man’s head and neck Stiles watches his eyelids flutter. As Derek, he thinks his name is Derek, blinks himself awake his confusion becomes evident. Stiles helps him sit up and lean against the desk before his eyes are raking over his body checking for other injuries.

Mrs. Dahl intercepts her class and has Deaton take them to the neighboring classroom. Stiles’ focus is still on the man though. He’s got to be dehydrated. Stiles tries to get him to focus on him.

“Hey, hi. Did you get some water?”

The guy shakes his head and then looks like he regrets it as he presses the heel of his hand to his eye.

“No, no I was going to get my water bottle but I couldn’t find it and then I turned to just go to the drinking fountain and I- I don’t really remember what happened after that.”

Stiles gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile and helps him to his feet and leaned back against the desk again.

“You look like you are dehydrated. Maybe even heat stroke. You’ll want to keep water by you all the time for the next few days and maybe don’t layer up so much," he tells the guy and tweaks at the sweater vest.

The guy nods and Stiles figures his work is done as the school nurse comes in. He goes back to get Emmy and check her out of school, but before he can even leave the doorway Deaton is there.

“Well Stiles, it’s an honor to have you here and a pleasure to help with this surprise. I hope you have a good leave and we’ll understand if Emmy comes down with a cold over the weekend or something and needs to stay at home and rest.”

Stiles chuckles and shakes his head as they start to walk away together.

“Thank you, Principal Deaton. We’ll try and keep her in school as much as possible though.”

“Thank _you_ for helping us with Derek in there. He’s going to be Emmy’s new teacher and we’re lucky to have him. I don’t know what he was thinking letting himself get that dehydrated. I’ll have to have a word with his mother.”

Deaton leaves with another expression of gratitude and a handshake leaving Stiles to take his daughter home. He pulls Emmy back up into his arms and starts walking out to where Parrish is waiting for the next part of Stiles’ surprise homecoming.

“Daddy, is Mr. Hale ok?”

“Mr- Hale? Derek Hale? That’s the name of your new teacher?”

They’re out by the car now and Stiles was probably louder than he thought especially when he gets in the car and Parrish responds.

“Derek Hale just started teaching at the school last week I think? Big hullabaloo that the long lost Hale son was back from New York and is here to stay a while.”

Stiles really wants to think that this is his Derek Hale but he knows how common that name is.

Besides, he’s got a dad to surprise.

*

Derek groans in embarrassment as the soldier leaves and Erica walks in. She's glaring and he's got no excuses for why he let himself get so dehydrated he fainted. Oh god, he fainted at work. He buries his face in his hands and waits for his judgment at the hands of his friend. He gets a smack to the side of his arm. She only spared hitting the back of his head probably because he hit it on the floor when he passed out.

"How stupid are you, ya big lummox?"

He just keeps his face buried as he thinks he hears Deaton say, "Well Stiles.." outside the doorway. But he can't be sure because Erica is screeching in his ear now about heat stroke until he tunes back in to what she's saying.

"I cannot believe you almost ruined the Stilinski homecoming, you putz. I'm sending you-"

He cuts her off as he grabs her arms.

"Did you say Stilinski? What's his first name?"

Erica snorts. "Who knows? Everyone calls him Stiles."

Derek stops breathing and his hands lose their grip on Erica. They're shaking in front of him as the pieces start fitting together.

"Stiles Stilinski. As in the Sheriff Stilinski? Like his son?" He asks rapid fire as he turns around to get his class roster off the desk and read it over. There's no way he missed the last name; it's not that common! He turns back around and leans against it for support again.

"His daughter was in my class; why isn't she on the list?"

Erica is baffled but points to a name for Derek to see. Emily Kowalski.

"It's her mother's name. Somehow that's what the school has on record but she's Emily Stilinski everywhere else. Why is this freaking you out?"

Derek just collapses to the floor again to hide from his embarrassment.

Surprisingly, it doesn't work.

Erica just gets down right next to him and pulls his hands from his hair where he'd started to pull at it.

"Stiles," he stresses. "Sergeant Stiles Stilinski United States Army Ranger is who I've been writing to for the past eight months. And now I just fainted in front of him."

She puts her hands on his face and leans in close.

“Wait, wait. The guy you’ve been writing that convinced you to move back? The same guy who you told about the house fire? And your bad relationships and he still wrote back without judgment? Who you’ve flirted back and forth with for months now?”

Derek pouts and hopes he looks pathetic enough that she’ll ease up on him.

“Yes.”

“Good move.”

She pulls back and pulls him to his feet once again.

“Does he know who you are?”

Derek shakes his head and regrets it again. His head pounds when he answers.

“I don’t know. I need- I need to go home.”

Erica rubs a hand down his arm in comfort and he knows he’s just as pathetic looking as he feels. She pats him affectionately and tells him Boyd is coming over to pick him up. He’s grateful, he’s still too woozy to walks straight he wouldn’t want to drive. He- he needs to get some more water and then sleep until he can think about what he’s going to do about Stiles. He figures he should start by actually reading that last letter he got. And maybe rereading most of the rest of them for clues.

*

Stiles is in the backseat of the cruiser with his hands behind his back while Emily sits up front with Parrish. He’s trying not to think too hard about Derek but his mind goes back to all the letters they’ve shared.

He gets pulled from his thoughts when he sees Jordan reach for his phone and Stiles knows he’s calling in to the Sheriff. Emmy is trying really hard not to giggle and Stiles watches as she clamps her hands around her mouth.

“John? Parrish. I picked up Emily from school for you like we talked about but I had to deal with something on the way back. I’m bringing this guy in even though Emily is in the car. No- no I know it’s not protocol but I couldn’t _leave_ they guy. Just- just meet me by the front door and you can get Emmy and I’ll deal with the guy. Dangerous? Um,” Parrish looks over his shoulder at Stiles and Stiles just smirks. “Yeah. Yeah, he is. But he’s cuffed and Emily is up front with me. ETA 3 minutes, sir. Yes, sir.”

He hangs up the phone and glares at Stiles in the rearview mirror.

“Your dad thinks I’m an idiot.”

“Well, only for the next few minutes.”

*

The sheriff had such high hopes for Deputy Parrish. How he thought it would be okay to apprehend someone while he had Emily in the car with him is unbelievable. His desk is a mess of paperwork and lunch wrappers so he cleans things up before Emily sees it. He goes out to the bullpen and waits by the front desk to see Parrish drive up. He sees the car pull up and Emily jump out of the passenger side front seat. He starts to head outside to get to his granddaughter and doesn’t really pay attention to Parrish pulling his guy out of the backseat.

He pulls Emily into his arms and hugs her before he turns and he swears his heart stops. He freezes when he sees that Parrish doesn’t have a criminal.

That’s his _son,_ his Stiles _._

He takes in Stiles appearance for just a moment. The tan, the bags under his eyes, his weary happiness. He still stands like he’s got a great weight on his shoulders but he’s stood like that since his first deployment. Stiles smiles a little tiredly and steps toward him.

John unfreezes and rushes to his son. He was prepared for him to come home in a week. But even anticipating it he’s still unable to process having him there in flesh and blood. Healthy and whole and home. It doesn’t matter that Emily is in his arms she just ends up getting smooshed between them as they all embrace each other. She giggles and pats at him until he sets her down and hugs his son again.

He leans back sniffling and wiping his eyes. Stiles’ smile is a little watery now too. He doesn’t really want to let go yet.

“You’re early.”

Stiles huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, dad. So I get to see _exactly_ how you and Emily have been living while I’ve been away.” He says with mock seriousness.

In reality they’re going to go home and just sit on the living room couch all together for the afternoon. John will order pizza and Stiles will try and argue for a veggie pizza. Emily will be on Stiles’ side and with two sets of those brown eyes that are a constant reminder of his wife working against him he’ll cave and order a small veggie pizza too. He doesn’t have any time off until the next week but he figures it’ll be okay. Stiles might need some time to adjust without the pressures of having someone around all the time. It doesn’t really matter what they do. His kid is home safe for now. John is going to take every minute he’s given of that.

*

Derek is at the school early in the morning when he goes back after he was ordered to take a couple days to recuperate. He’d been given a stern reprimand from his mother but if he’s honest he has kind of missed the way she gets over protective when she’s worried about one of her babies. He may be almost thirty years old with a job and a house but he will always be a mama’s boy. He’s got no shame in that.

So after being monitored for a day to make sure he hydrated appropriately and then spent another day fully recovering from what indeed was mild heat stroke he’s back at school with a renewed fervor to work. Mrs. Dahl is getting more uncomfortable each and every day so Derek is going to be more active in planning the rest of the year out. So he goes in early to get started before he gets distracted by the kids.

He’s finally finishing going over the completed curriculum versus what he already has worked out from New York for the remaining units. It’s almost all already planned out which is a relief. He’s getting the papers all organized when the classroom door opens and Emily runs in with Allison behind her. She runs and jumps at Derek with a gift bag in his hands.

“Mr. Hale! Mr. Hale you’re back! Are you feeling better?”

He holds her on his lap and tries not to let the bag hit him in the face when she swings it around.

“I am feeling better Emmy.”

Allison chuckles from the doorway.

“Glad to see you back. Emily said you weren’t feeling well.”

Derek blushes just a little, still embarrassed about the whole thing.

“Yeah, just mild heat stroke. Nothing some water and my mother hovering around couldn’t have fixed. I bet you guys have had a fun couple of days.” He says looking back at Emily in his arms still as she nods enthusiastically.

“Uh huh. Daddy came home early!”

“So I saw! I got to meet him for a couple minutes on Monday,” Derek tells them.

“Yeah, that’s what dad said. He said to give you this too when you got back.”

She lifts the bag up higher in emphasis and he takes it from her and peers inside. He sighs and pulls out two water bottles tied up with bows and an envelope. Allison laughs at whatever his face does.

“So you don’t faint again.”

Derek groans, “I make one little mistake and I’m not allowed to forget it even by a guy I don’t even know.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you know Stiles, Mr. Hale.” She laughs as she waves goodbye to Emily and leaves.

He’s still got Emily in his arms and she’s looking at him expectantly.

“What?”

“Aren’t you going to read the letter?”

“What- oh yeah. But you should go put your coat away and your backpack and sit at your desk.”

Derek can’t play favorites before he even officially starts and if any other student comes in and sees him with Emily on his lap he’ll have major problems. So he sends her off to get ready for the day just as Mrs. Dahl comes in the room in all her pregnant glory. He wouldn’t be surprised if she has the baby over the weekend. As the room fills with his students he pulls the envelope open and reads the letter inside.

**_Derek,_ **

**_When I arrived at Emily’s school on Monday I expected to surprise my little girl and not pay attention to anything else. I wasn’t expecting to feel drawn to a pale looking teacher and worry about his well-being before I even saw my daughter._ **

**_I also didn’t expect to find that same kindergarten teacher unconscious in the classroom not ten minutes later. Nor did I expect my daughter’s new teacher, who she hasn’t failed to talk about since January, and runner up for her favorite person at school, to be the same person as my Derek._ **

**_But most of all, I think I remember directly telling you to keep yourself safe._ **

**_I was shocked when I heard Deaton say your name. And then having it confirmed by Emily and Deputy Jordan Parrish that you are indeed Derek Hale newly moved home from New York. I couldn’t hardly believe it but after rereading our letters I can’t help but believe you’re my Derek I’ve been writing all these months. I laid awake Monday night reading them over again now that I had a face and voice to go with them._ **

**_I’m only home for a little over a month and a half. That’s all the leave I’m allowed before I go back for my last rotation. I don’t have much time in town but I’d really like to know you better, Derek. I want to talk to you in person and hear so much more than what we’ve already written about. It makes it ~~a little~~ a lot easier that you already know Emily and she likes you so much. _ **

**_We’ve been writing and talking for nearly eight months and I think I’ve found myself falling for you. It’s crazy and I have to say one of the first things you ever wrote me, I hope it’s not too forward. I didn’t even know what you looked like or your voice or anything about your person. I’ve never had anyone write to me that I would wait for their letters so eagerly. They were like a lifeline back to the States. I think you’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known. I thought that even before I saw you in the gym and thought it again._ **

**_All that being said, would you let me take you out to dinner tonight?_ **

**_Stiles_ **

**_PS you better drink that water. I’ve told Emily to keep an eye on you so you drink it all._ **

For the rest of the day Derek can hardly focus. He has never had someone form an opinion of him just from his personality over conversations. He’s always been judged by his appearance first, before anything else. He knows he’s good looking and it’s hard for people to get past that, truly get past that, and like him more for what makes him _him_ instead of just his jawline and his physique.

Of course he’s going to go out with Stiles. At this point it’s going to be weird to just sit across from each other like strangers at a table in a restaurant. Especially after they’ve pretty much aired all their deep dark secrets to each other already.

He spends his day putting the finishing touches on his plan for the year and next week’s lesson plan. When the day is done he goes to help the kids into their coats and little backpacks. He’s kneeling on the floor helping one of the last kids when he hears what he hopes will become a familiar voice.

“Ready to go, Emily?”

Derek looks up and there stands Stiles in civilian clothes. The dark wash jeans and long sleeve shirt do wonderful things to accent Stiles’, ahem, assets. His long legs, strong arms and broad shoulders to name the obvious.

“Not yet dad.” She says from her desk where she’s still putting her things away.

“Good, cause I don’t think I am yet.”

Derek looks up at Stiles again at that. He looks kinda nervous standing there rubbing at the back of his buzz cut hair.

“I see you drank your water. Feeling better?”

“I am, yeah. Two days of resting will help with that I guess.”

He stands and brushes at his knees before he straightens and watches Stiles face harden slightly in determination.

“You read the letter?”

“I did, I-“

“Mr. Hale?” Emily interrupts.

“Yes, dear?”

She giggles but walks back over to him and he crouches down again to be at eye level with here.

“Will you go have dinner with my dad?”

Derek peeks up and Stiles is blushing; it’s clear he didn’t put her up to this at his open embarrassment. He looks back at Emily though when he answers.

“I don’t know Emmy, I wouldn’t want to take time away from you being together.”

“Come to grandpa’s house then, please.” She pleads, eyes wide.

“You don’t have to-“ Stiles starts but Derek lifts a hand and cuts him off. He looks right at Stiles so he isn’t misunderstood in the slightest.

“I don’t think there’s anyone I’d really rather have supper with tonight.”

“Perfect!” Emily squeals in delight and runs over to stand in front of her dad and Derek stands up again.

“I just have to finish up a few things here and then I can be over whenever you want me there.”

“Come early,” she says before her father can get a word in. Derek looks up and sees Stiles giving his daughter a pained look like he’d really like to be the one talking right now. She starts to say something else but Stiles plants a hand across her mouth so _he_ can get a word in.

“Don’t feel like you need to come early, but you’re more than welcome if you want to. I, uh, haven’t actually been home long enough ever to have a place so we live with my dad. He won’t be there though so you shouldn’t worry about having to deal with the sheriff on a first date-“ he seems to realize what he’s said and flushes darker as his eyes widen. “I mean- it’s not- it isn’t a date. Unless you want it to be. Or maybe you don’t want to date us and you’d just wanna be our friend that’d still be pretty awesome-“

“Stiles,” Derek cuts in, “why don’t you tell me your address so I know where to go for our first date?”

He hopes he’s portraying confidence in his words because that kind of came out of nowhere. Okay, not really _nowhere_ but he wasn’t going to make it a date until Stiles said something. But it’s Emily’s turn to talk again.

“We live at 538 Westpine Drive, we have a front porch and daddy’s suburban will be parked out front and there’s sunflowers by the steps up the porch that Daddy and I planted last time he was home.”

“538 Westpine Drive. The house with the sunflowers. Got it. I’ll just finish my work here and I’ll come over.” He tells her before looking one last time at Stiles. “That okay?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect,” Stiles says cheeks still a little pink.

Derek goes back to his desk and starts his last project for the day while Stiles helps Emily into her little jacket and get them both out the door waving as they go.

*

A couple hours later and Derek is standing in front of Stiles’ front door.

He’d finished his work as quickly as he could, went home to drop off his stuff, shower, get dressed and jump right back in his new car. He hadn’t had a car of his own since high school. Living in New York City just wasn’t the place to worry about a car. When he was in school it was unnecessary because of on campus housing and then later his apartment was within walking distance of his work, the store and a few bars. And if he wanted to go anywhere else he’d use the subway.

But being back in sprawling Beacon Hills, in a house over a mile from the school meant he needed a car. Besides, if he couldn’t get himself to his parent’s house they would just come pick him up. He didn’t need that in his life. So even with a house payment on a mortgage he was still approved for a car loan. The look the banker had given him made him suppose that his mother had set up the mortgage more for her to pay off than for him. So he bought himself a car. The Toyota SUV is big and Cora teases him for his soccer mom car but he kinda likes it anyway. If his habit to pick up stray animals and pieces of furniture continues in Beacon Hills like it was in New York he’ll need the space.

The drive over is short. The Stilinskis don’t live that far away from the center of town. Derek supposes it was chosen for its convenience to the station and the school when John and his wife picked it out. He pulls up and parks on the street. Stiles’ suburban is indeed in the driveway but so is the sheriff’s county SUV. Awh crap. He spies the sunflowers growing in front of the porch and can’t help but grin, his nerves easing a little.

He shouldn’t worry about it. He’s met the sheriff once when he dropped Emily off at school. It won’t be a big deal, Derek decides, unless he makes it a big deal. He still finds himself steeling his resolve as he gets out of the car, grabbing the bag he’d brought with him. He takes the path up to the house, up the steps and stops in front of the door. He takes a deep breath and knocks.

He waits but a moment before the door gets opened and he is greeted by John.

“Ah Mr. Hale! Emmy is quite excited you’re having dinner here tonight. She hasn’t been able to stop talking about you since you started working with Mrs. Dahl to take over her class.”

Derek feels his ears heat up as he fights to blush. He’d been afraid of the student’s reaction to him since he took the job. Kids that young form strong attachments to their teachers. And Mrs. Dahl is obviously loved by her students. So to hear that at least one doesn’t hate him for taking over is a small relief. Of course if he’s honest, he already knew Emmy liked him, even before Stiles came home. He steps in the house and closes the door behind him. As he toes off his shoes John points to the bag.

“What did you bring? You didn’t need to bring anything.”

Derek just shakes his head, “My mother taught me to always bring something to contribute to the meal when you’ve been invited. I brought scotch, sparkling juice, and-“ he sighs and just pulls the Black Widow doll out of the bag. John’s eyes light up.

“Oh, I knew I liked you. I’m going to be taking some afternoon shifts now so Stiles and Emily can spend time together after school. So I’m off to work, they’re back in the kitchen, just straight through there.”

He pats Derek’s shoulder and points him the way through the house. Derek puts the doll back into the bag and makes his way to the kitchen. He pauses to look at his own dark jeans and gray Henley wondering if it’s the right thing to have worn. At least his socks match today. He has to stop in the doorway at the sight that greets him.

Stiles is in the same jeans but exchanged his long sleeves for an army t-shirt. Rather than outlining his arms and the muscles there, the t-shirt lets Derek see the Rangers tattoo on his arm. It stops Derek for a minute because he’s never found tattoos to make a person more attractive. And really it doesn’t do that for him with Stiles but it just fits so well and looks so good on his skin. Derek thought Stiles was attractive just from knowing his personality in the letters. This, _this_ nonsense isn’t helping how much he just wants to date the guy already.

The kitchen is brightly lit and music is streaming though out the room. Stiles and Emily are working at the sink singing happily along to the music. Emily turns around quick and spots him.

“Mr. Hale!” she squeals as she runs over to him and clings to his legs. He brushes her hair out of her face lightly before he glances up at Stiles staring looking amused with his daughter.

“Your dad let me in.” Stiles nods and Derek feels something tug on the bag. He lifts it up higher and looks down at Emily’s guilty face.

“What’s in the bag?”

“Don’t you think you should ask _before_ you peer into it?” He laughs lightly. “I brought you a present.”

“You did?” She asks as her eyes widen and sparkle in excitement.

“You didn’t need to do that.” Stiles interjects before Derek can even pull anything out.

Derek shrugs with a smile for Stiles. “I couldn’t show up empty handed. There’s something in here for you too.” He walks over to Stiles because he should probably get the alcohol out of the bag before he hands it to the six year old. He holds the bag out and Stiles takes it gently, holding the handles apart so he can peer inside.

“Ah! No way! I love this stuff.” He exclaims pulling the sparkling juice from the bag. “I mean, the scotch is great, really I like that kind. But I can get alcohol overseas on leave. This stuff though, I can’t ever find the peach stuff, even stateside.”

Stiles has pulled the scotch out of the bag and left it on the counter as he continues to remark over the sparkling juice. But Emily’s patience runs out quickly and she comes over to tug at the bag as it hangs loosely in Stiles’ grip. She remembers to ask this time though.

“Dad, can I have my present now, please?”

Stiles hands his daughter the bag and she pulls the doll out. Her eyes go wide as she freezes just staring at the doll. Derek thinks for half a second he’s done something wrong but she jumps back at him arms outstretched. So he picks her up into a hug as she wraps her little arms around his neck.

“She’s my _favorite_. How did you know? Thank you Mr. Hale! Thank you, thank you.”

She wiggles around until he puts her down and she goes over and shows her dad. Stiles smiles at her with such affection and love as she runs out of the room to go play with her new doll.

“Thank you, Derek. You didn’t need to get her anything, though. And you didn’t need to come here tonight either. I’m sorry I made this so sudden. I mean it’s like we don’t know each other yet, we just met in person, but at the same time we do know each other because of the letters.”

“Honestly, Stiles, it’s okay.” Derek tries to assure. “I got your last letter when I was leaving New York and then I got caught up in moving and settling in at the school and I didn’t read it until Monday. Even if you hadn’t have asked for this I would have found you while you were home.”

Stiles smiled big and bright and Derek’s heart actually fluttered. Oh man, he is so gone over this guy. Derek clears his throat and fights a blush at what he’d just admitted. Stiles may know about his emotional baggage but that doesn’t mean he wants to deal with it.

“So, how can I help with dinner?”

*

“Mr. Hale?” Emmy calls out and Derek has to laugh just a little.

“What did we talk about, sweetheart?” He turns around from his spot working on the counter to face her. “Mr. Hale is for the classroom, outside you can call me Derek, okay?”

She nods at Derek and turns to her dad.

“Daddy can Derek help us with dessert?”

“That depends on Derek, sweetie. But we can ask.”

Derek shrugs when the turn to face him.

“I can follow directions pretty well but I’m not good going solo. As long as you keep an eye on me Emmy I think we could manage.”

So they start to pull out all the ingredients to make a dessert. Derek just does what he’s instructed to do and they end up with an assortment of things on the island counter. Stiles lifts Emmy up to sit on top of the counter and then he opens the flour. Derek watches him survey the counter critically. Like he’s looking for something that’s not there.

“You know Em,” he says very seriously, “I don’t think we can do this.”

Emily’s face falls in disappointment but Stiles continues.

“I mean, just look at Derek. I don’t think he’s properly dressed to make this cake do you?”

Stiles grins at him and his expression is pure mischief. Stiles and Emily exchange a scheming glance and Derek wants to back away slowly. He doesn’t move yet though and in one smooth movement Stiles sticks his hand in the flour and pulls out a pile in his fingers that he smacks gently onto Derek’s face and rubs it in his beard a little. Emily reaches in the bucket then and jumps off the counter and starts walking towards Derek, who is backing away with his hands up trying to get away by going around the counter.

“Now, Emily, Emmy, we don’t want to get your grandpa’s kitchen all dirty, right?”

“Well, the kitchen won’t get floury. Just you!” she yells as she darts forward and Derek goes to move away but then he feels strong arms wrap around him pinning his arms to his sides. Stiles is laughing in his ear as Emily rubs her handful of flour on the other side of Derek’s face and goes back for more to get his neck and shirt. Derek doesn’t really fight all that hard to get away and Stiles dumps his handful of flour in Derek’s hair.

“Uncle! Uncle! I give.”

Stiles laughs and Derek doesn’t quite want to leave the hold of Stiles’ comforting arms but Stiles lets him go. Emily is giggling and already fetching the broom to sweep up the mess on the floor. Derek turns around and scrubs his hands through his hair to dislodge most of the flour. He feels himself smiling and when Stiles returns it it’s just as heart stopping as the first time he saw it. Derek takes the broom from where Emily was trying to sweep and gets the flour all swept up into a pile in a moment.

“So now that I'm properly dressed, what are we making?”

“Well, I thought we’d make my favorite dessert. It’s oatmeal chocolate chip cake. You do like chocolate, right?”

“Are there people who don’t?”

Stiles laughs and they all make their way around the counter to start making the cake. It’s more than just dumping everything into a bowl and pouring it into a pan. So while they wait for some of the parts to be ready they work on supper. They mostly let Emily talk while they work and both the meal and the cake come together smoothly. Stiles sends her off to wash her hands while he sets the table and Derek does the dishes. Stiles comes in and stands right next to Derek leaning back against the counter with his arms across his chest.

“Thanks for that. You didn’t need to do the dishes.”

“It’s fine, Stiles. I don’t mind; you did the cooking so I’ll clean up. Besides, dishes aren’t the worst chore ever.”

Stiles chuckles, “and what would that be?”

“Laundry.” He replies gravely.

Stiles laughs then and nudges Derek with his shoulder.

“Thanks for coming, I would imagine this isn’t what you expected if we ever met but. This is us I guess. And the Black Widow thing? How did you know to get her that?”

Derek shrugs a shoulder and continues to scrub at the dishes.

“I listen, I guess. She likes to talk when we have lunch.”

Stiles sighs but it sounds fond.

“Yeah, she’s like me that way. Growing up I talked non-stop. The ADHD was a major thing in that. We don’t think she inherited that bit from me, she just likes to talk.” He sighs thinking about his daughter. “But really, thanks for coming over. I-“ he pauses and looks away from Derek to look at his socks. “I meant what I wrote I guess. Going back to the beginning when I told you I don’t have many close friends besides Scott and a couple other people in my unit it’s just you and your letters. And I-“

Emily comes bursting back in the kitchen and Stiles cuts off. Derek doesn’t want to push because he doesn’t know if he should yet. So they sit down to supper while the cake is in the oven. They have the roast and potatoes that Stiles cooked and drink the sparkling juice. Stiles has to get up before they’re all done eating to take the cake out but comes right back. They have to let the cake cool for a while so they clear the table and decide to go watch a movie.

*

While Derek goes to the bathroom Stiles cleans up Emily’s messy face and hands from supper. He’s kneeling in front of her gently wiping away the mess with a warm cloth.

“Daddy, is Derek going to be your boyfriend?”

Stiles blushes because he can’t help it.

“What would you think if he was, honey?”

She taps a finger to her chin and squints her eyes while she thinks. He sits back still at her level as he’s done cleaning her up.

“I think you like him.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because you use your real smile with him. The one only grandpa and me and Uncle Scott see.”

Stiles kind of just melts because if he’s honest with himself getting to meet Derek in person is probably the best thing that’s happened to him in the last year. He _is_ happier and Derek’s pulled more smiles out of him than should be allowable in an afternoon.

“Well you’re right Em, I do like Derek,” he whispers, “but I don’t know if we’ll be boyfriends or not okay? So don’t say anything just let dad work this out on his own.”

She nods gravely and goes to run to the living room and runs right into Derek’s legs. Instead of just apologizing and going around she stops and looks up at him with a smile before she hugs where she can reach. _Then_ she’s running to the living room to pick out a movie for them all to watch.

“Sorry,” Stiles apologizes as he stands again and tosses the rag into the sink. “She’s a hugger.”

Derek just smiles softly and shrugs, “Doesn’t bother me at all. Want to finish the dishes?”

Stiles shakes his head. “No, we can do it later.”

Emily calls from the other room. “Dad! Derek! I picked a movie!”

So Stiles leads Derek to the living room to see what she’s picked. Of course, she’s picked The Avengers. Stiles just shakes his head and puts the disk into the player. He turns back around as the previews start to play.

“How about you put on your pajamas and get out of your floury clothes while I frost the cake? Then you’ll be all ready for bed after we watch the movie and have dessert?”

“Okay daddy.” She replies and takes off up the stairs to her room.

Stiles looks at Derek examine his own shirt and winces.

“Sorry about that.” Derek’s head pops up at him with a confused look. “Well, not really actually.” Stiles smiles again. “Would you want to borrow a shirt?”

“As long as you wouldn’t mind, that’d be great. Then I won’t get your couch all flour.”

Stiles laughs and waves for Derek to follow. He’s narrower than Derek is but their shoulders are probably just as wide. They get up to his room and he digs around for his biggest, softest t-shirt. He turns and hands it to Derek.

“That should fit you.”

“Thanks.” Derek says as he takes the shirt.

Derek turns and lays the clean shirt on the bed and strips of his shirt as Stiles walks past to go check on Emily. But Stiles can’t help but see a glimpse of black ink on the center of Derek’s shoulders. He doesn’t stop like he wants to and peeks in on Emmy getting into her pajamas and slippers as requested. So he slips down the stairs to quick frost the cake and dish it up.

*

Stiles blinks himself awake slightly uncomfortable with the fact that he dozed off in the first place. Derek had been on one side and Emily on the other and he’d been a sandwich of warm cozy, comforting heat. It only got worse when Emily snuggled into his side and he wrapped an arm around her. In fact, that’s probably when he started to fall asleep himself. But he’s awake now and there’s no little girl in his arms or date by his side.

He jumps up eyes searching the room for his daughter but when he turns around he sees Derek standing at the foot of the stairs. Stiles wipes a hand down his face and takes a breath trying to calm down after reacting to his instincts.

“Where’s Emily?”

“In bed. We didn’t want to wake you so teeth were brushed, she went to the bathroom and has a glass of water on her nightstand just in case.” Derek blushed and rubbed at the back of his neck looking down. “Sorry if it was out of line. It’s only been a couple minutes though so she might still be awake if you want to say goodnight.” Stiles watches Derek stand there uncertainly and his nerves calm even more. Why was he worried in the first place? The man is a teacher, _Emily’s teacher_. The same man who pulled half his family out of a burning building and-

It hits Stiles then that he does know Derek. It’d been hard through the afternoon to put letter-Derek and in-the-flesh-Derek together. But now he gets it, it clicked in his brain. So he just shakes his head and walks over towards Derek.

“It’s fine really. I appreciate it; normally I’m okay with jet lag but switching days and nights is getting harder each time I have to do it.”

They both turn when they hear the front door open and the Sheriff come in. He walks right in to the living room and takes in the dirty dishes and the movie menu playing on repeat. He smiles at his son and Derek.

“Did you all have a good time today?”

Stiles looks back at Derek with a small, genuine smile.

“Yeah, we really did.” He looks back at his dad. “There’s some cake in there and you are allowed exactly one piece this evening.”

“Oh, well I better not turn that down. I’ll leave you two be,” he says walking past them towards the kitchen, “just one question: do you need me to take Emily too school tomorrow?”

Stiles shakes his head and waves his dad off, “It’s okay dad, I can do it. Thanks though.”

“Not a problem,” they hear from the kitchen.

Stiles walks Derek to the door. And while he puts his shoes on, Stiles tries to finish what he’d been trying to say after dinner.

“What I was saying before,” he trails off but Derek looks up at him and urges him to continue. Stiles huffs in reluctance. “I’ve never been very good at making friends or dating. Then after everything with Heather I became pretty focused on two things: my job and my baby. I’ve tried dating when I had the time but mostly I just couldn’t picture any of them with Emily. I guess I just don’t open up easy and I did that with you. I meant what I wrote in the letter with the water bottles. I’d really like to get to know you, in person, while I’m here. If that’s something you’d be okay with.”

Derek’s smiling softly at him and his little speech.

“Considering I fell for Emily before I knew she was your daughter and I fell for you from all our letters I don’t think it’s going to be a hardship to spend time getting to know you both together. Besides, if I’m being honest? I’d really like to date you guys so if this is how it starts, that’s fine by me.”

“Aw hell.” He mutters before he takes the two steps forward and goes for a hug. Derek doesn’t even flinch or hesitate just wraps his arms around Stiles and ducks his head a little. The hug is perfect and when Stiles pulls back Derek is smiling as he says goodbye.

Derek goes home then with a promise to talk again in the morning. After Stiles walked him out he ran up quick and got a sleepy hug from Emily to say goodnight. After tucking her back in her covers and softly closing her door Stiles makes his way back down to the kitchen and sits across from his dad at the table. His dad sits there still working on his cake and sipping at a mug of coffee.

“So, Derek Hale is the ‘friend’ you’ve been writing all these months. He’s a good catch, Stiles. It isn’t often that you find someone who meshes so well with both you and your child.”

Stiles just nods in agreement.

“I don’t know how it all would have worked out if Derek hadn’t written that first time with his class in New York. None of this probably would have happened. But I- I mean the letters- I guess I really like him, dad. The few times I did get to go out on dates it never got to the point that I would even get to tell them about being a single dad. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t care about Emily but they weren’t interested in asking about my life at all either. From the beginning with Derek, he knew about Emily, eventually he knew about Heather. And it wasn’t just one sided either he told me stuff about him and his history. I mean, the biggest thing was tonight. I asked him out and he said he wanted to but didn’t want to take time away from me and Em being together. And then we compromised that we’d have dinner but with Emily and have it here. I mean, really, who does that? Who takes the trouble to include the six year old on a first date?”

All he gets is a fond smile from his dad.

“Derek seems to be a good person. I know his mother is a good woman and the Hales have always been good people in this town. I’ve tried to get to know him since he’ll be taking over as Emily’s teacher and I’ve seen nothing but good things so far. He has lunch with his parents and picks up dessert from the bakery and takes it to his sister at the firehouse after school. I have no problems with the man but I think spending time in person will help before you make any big decisions. Whatever you do don’t chicken out and stop seeing him while you’re home. Emily loves him so she’ll like having him around more I think.”

His dad gets up and dumps the rest of his coffee down the drain and stops next to Stiles as he walks past. He grabs Stiles’ face gently and presses a fond kiss to his forehead.

“Love ya, kid. I’m glad you’re happy.”

Stiles just turns his head to face his dad with a tired smile.

“Thanks, dad.”

He goes up to bed not long after his dad does but he can’t quite shut his brain off. Derek had been perfect. In dealing with his dad, his daughter with him. He definitely will need to spend more time with him in person before they put any kind of label on their relationship that moves them past friends.

*

Derek is wondering how it all got to this point. The point of him, Stiles and Emily sitting down for dessert with Derek’s mother.

After that first afternoon together, Derek pretty much planned on spending all his time he was not at work with Stiles and Emily. A little clingy? Probably. That first weekend brought Stiles and Emily to Derek’s house. Stiles had walked around seemingly pleased with everything he was seeing. Well, he was pleased with it all until they got to the kitchen.

“You mean to tell me you have a fully functional gourmet kitchen with a fully stocked pantry but you have a fridge full of takeout leftovers that makes it look like you haven’t cooked a single meal?”

Derek had nodded slightly abashed and explained he isn’t the best cook. He can do basics like macaroni and cheese and he can do spaghetti from a jar or soup from a can but anything like a recipe for something from scratch and he’s doomed.

Emily had been adamant that if he could make mac n’ cheese and chicken nuggets he could cook just fine. Stiles had used what Derek had and cooked them a meal somehow. Sunday of that first weekend is one if Derek’s favorite memories. He was supposed to be getting ready for work Monday morning. Mrs. Dahl had finally gone into labor SUnday morning and Monday would be his first solo day with the class. But he got a text from Stiles saying he was invited for tea.

What did Derek know? With most six year olds, tea means princess outfits, stuffed animals and a pink tea sets. Derek asks what time tea is served and Stiles has the audacity to text back, “haha at high tea, of course.” He sends a straight faced emoji back and waits for Stiles to text him that he can come over after lunch and they’ll have tea at two. Which after a google search Derek learns that that is not when high tea is but whatever.

It gives him time to get his work done and be as ready as possible before he goes over to the Stilinski’s. Stiles told him not to bother knocking the next time he came so he walks right in, leaves his shoes at the door and is making his way through the living room to the stairs. He makes it almost completely through the room when something makes him stop. He turns and sees all three of the Stilinski family looking at him curiously. Somehow they all manage to convey, “Where were you going? We’re having tea, here.”

Stiles and Emily are on the couch and John is in his chair. They’re all in sweatpants, t-shirts, slipper socks and robes. Each of them has a steaming cup of tea in their hands and Derek sees the tray on the coffee table that has a remaining tea cup and the pot under a cozy and everything. There’s even small cookies on a plate too. The TV is off and the curtains are open so the room is bright with natural light and soft jazz music plays in the background.

All of a sudden, being invited to tea feels significant. And Derek didn’t even dress properly! His jeans which are his most comfortable pair seem restricting all at once. At least his shirt is casual enough. But he lacks a robe and appropriate socks. He pulls himself together after a moment of thinking on all these things.

“Uh, hi?”

Stiles shakes himself from his thoughts it appears and they all seem to snap into action. The tea cups all return to the tray as they all get up and start towards him.

“Sorry, I didn’t explain the dress code. I figured everyone wore sweats on Sundays.”

“I’ll get him a robe.” John says as he walks past and claps Derek on his shoulder.

Emily and Stiles push at him and herd him up the stairs ahead of them.

“I’ll get him some slippers, you get him sweatpants dad.”

“You heard the lady, Mr. Hale.”

So they all get upstairs and get Derek appropriate clothes. When he emerges from the bathroom they’re all back downstairs. He makes his way back to the living room and Stiles pulls him down next to him and hands him his tea. He really hadn’t been expecting real tea. He needs the honey but it’s right there and Emily passes it over when he asks. They quite literally spend an hour sipping tea, listening to jazz music and visiting quietly about everything.

They talk about Derek, his past, his past relationships. Stiles talks about his feelings on relationships and how Emily and he are a package deal. That she will always come first and he won’t apologize for that. Emily embarrasses Stiles a little when she adds her input that Derek makes her dad happy. Stiles hides his smile behind his tea cup but Derek still sees it. The sheriff encourages them both to spend time all together and time without Emily and see how they work together. Talking it all out makes it seem that much more real. It has Derek envisioning a future. Which is just crazy but Derek would be lying if he didn’t like the idea of a life with Stiles and Emily.

After the tea is gone that conversation closes. They spend the afternoon all together and Derek stays and helps Stiles make supper. Derek gets another hug from Stiles before he leaves and this time he gets one from Emily as well.

But the next day all his plans of seeing Stiles after the school day is over are squashed. His first solo day and he was just barely prepared. He has to call and cancel for the first time already but he has a mountain of work to do before the next few days. They see each other maybe three times that week and one of them is just when he picks Emily up from school. Of course that morphed into an after school snack before Derek had to go back to work.

His busy week is why they plan to spend Saturday together. That’s why the three of them are walking around downtown and they run into Derek’s mother. She doesn’t let them escape like Derek hopes and instead drags them all into the bakery they’re standing in front of. Stiles looks mildly nervous to be meeting Talia and Emily looks downright skeptical of this new adult she has to deal with.

But Derek’s mom hasn’t raised seven kids and spoiled two grandkids so far for nothing. She starts to talk with Emily instead of trying to talk the whole table. Derek and Stiles watch them discuss painting for about ten whole minutes before the conversation shifts and Stiles can say more than a few words in praise of his daughter’s art. An hour later and both Stiles and Emily are completely relaxed and have accepted an invitation to go over to Derek’s parent’s house sometime for supper. Derek would be lying if he said he was surprised at the outcome.

It’s hard not to love his mom and Stiles and Emily have the same trouble not being suckered in by her charming smile.

The second weekend Stiles is home also brings the introduction of one Sergeant Scott McCall. With Scott comes Allison, his wife, and Melissa, his mother. Emily is clearly comfortable with all of them and it doesn’t take much to guess that Allison is the godmother Emily spends time with when the Sheriff is busy. He’s expecting someone maybe a bit less sarcastic, more cheerful and well, a little nicer than Stiles and he isn’t disappointed. Scott doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug when they meet or to pull him aside later to thank him again for the Christmas present that helped so much.

The next week at school is still busy but Derek feels like he’s got a better handle on it. He has more time to spend with Stiles throughout the week and they get to go out on a real date just the two of them. They go out for dinner in a nice restaurant in the next town over. But they take one look at the menu, look back up at each other, both say the word, “Pizza?” and that’s that. They find an old school pizzeria that isn’t some chain place and order the biggest pizza on the menu.

Being with Stiles in person is a lot different than just talking through letters. He’s…somewhat of an enigma to Derek. It takes a while but Stiles finally gets to a point where he relaxes the stern exterior and all of a sudden he’s expressive. It’s like it transforms his whole face when he talks now. He gestures a little with his hands but his face is like an open book that Derek is finally able to read. He’s animated and it’s incredibly endearing. Of course he’s still bitingly sarcastic and a little bit of an asshole but Derek could definitely, probably, maybe be a little bit in love with the guy.

And when Stiles pushes him up against the car after they’re done in the restaurant and kisses Derek with those soft lips and that sinful mouth the ‘maybe’ about it fades away just a little bit more.

After that it’s like Stiles made some decision in his head and now he’s going to be himself around Derek completely. By Friday after school Derek is more than ready to hang out with Stiles, yet again. He drives straight to the Stilinski house after he gets done with his work at the school. After he parks and gets out he hears shrieking and laughter floating around the house from the backyard. Just as he’s making his way up the walk to the house Stiles emerges from the house with a water gun pointed right at Derek.

He lifts his phone and his bag up in surrender.

“Just let me put this down and I’ll be ready.”

Stiles smiles and lowers the gun before he steps aside to let Derek through.

“Better hurry up, you’ve got five minutes.”

Derek ducks inside putting his bag with his laptop on the couch and grabbing his change of clothes out of it. As he turns to go into the bathroom to change, his phone rings from his pocket. He pulls it out to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Am I speaking with Derek Hale?”

The man’s voice and serious tone make Derek straighten unconsciously.

“You are. May I ask what this is about?”

“I am Corporal Johnson with the United States Army Personnel Records. We were given your number by Sergeant Stilinski as a new emergency contact and we needed to verify that the number was correct and in working order. Stilinski asked that you be included as a person to contact should the need arise.”

“Oh.” He says on an exhale in surprise.

“Are we making this call in error?”

“What- no. No, I was just surprised. Thank you, Corporal. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No, Mr. Hale. That’s all we need, have a nice day.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Derek hears the line go dead but he doesn’t really move. He stands there holding his clothes in one hand and staring at his phone in the other.

“Was it too much?” Stiles asks when he walks in.

Derek just shakes his head. “No, no I was just thinking about a scenario where they would have to use that number and I didn’t care for it much.”

That gets him a hug. He drops the stuff on the table and turns into Stiles’ embrace.

“I told you once, that my job meant I wouldn’t always be safe, and that’s still true. But maybe I have a reason to be more careful now.”

Derek just holds on a little tighter and a little longer before he pulls back.

“Good. You have a gun ready for me?”

Stiles smiles and the tension is broken.

“You got it.”

Derek changes and goes out into the backyard where Allison, Emily and Scott are already refilling their water guns. Then Derek and Stiles join them and the battle begins. It doesn’t end until all of them are soaked and sore from all the laughing. Of course by the time they’re all collapsed on the grass Scott and Allison have made plans to take Emily out for the day Saturday leaving Stiles and Derek the chance for some more one on one time.

Stiles doesn’t even try not to snigger when Scott says ‘one on one’ and Derek can only guess what goes through his mind.

After yet another delicious meal cooked by Stiles and Emily, they all watch movies until Emily and Allison fall asleep. Stiles is nodding off into Derek’s shoulder when they shut the movie off. Scott carries Allison out to the car and Stiles wakes up long enough to carry his daughter to her room, come back down and kiss Derek goodnight and then crawl into bed himself.

*

It’s been three weeks home and Stiles couldn’t have predicted it going anything like this. He never could have predicted getting to meet his Derek Hale let alone spend almost all of his free time with the man. The other unpredictable part about it all is how much Emily loves him. Stiles couldn’t have asked for more. He’d never really worried about dating or finding someone Emily liked too because he was content by himself. He would have been happy with it being just him and Emily forever.

But now that he’s had a taste of what life could be like with their dynamic duo expanding to be Stiles, Emily and _Derek_ it’s become something Stiles wants. He doesn’t deserve someone like Derek but he isn’t going to say no if Derek wants to stick around.

Scott and Allison pick Emily up early Saturday morning with Scott claiming, offhandedly, that they’ll need the practice for when they have kids eventually. He’s terrible at subtle but Scott and Allison decided a long time ago they wouldn’t try and get pregnant until he was discharged. Scott and Stiles both only have a few months left of active duty before they will be brought home for good. Then they can choose to continue and reenlist or to be discharged and do something else. Anything else.

Stiles has already been approached numerous times about reenlisting to receive a promotion and an permanent assignment teaching at a base within driving distance of Beacon Hills. Someone higher up really wants him bad because the only way he’d work for the Army in the States is at that particular base. He isn’t about to pull his daughter from her home and her grandpa. Stiles has been considering taking the promotion.

He’s had some, well, downright horrible experiences doing what he does. But he has a lot he could teach his replacements. A part of him wants to distance himself from the trauma and the constant reminders of what he went through. The nightmares he’s had just home on leave are a pretty good indication he’s going to have to deal with at least a little bit of PTSD. Part of him thinks it’d be easier if he kept himself around the Army and in a similar environment. Because that same part of him is afraid of what he’d be like in the general public. If things are going to trigger memories, what he’ll do if he gets triggered, if he would be safe to be around.

That’s his biggest worry: that he’ll be able to keep it together and be mentally healthy enough to take care of his daughter.

He hasn’t really had a chance to talk about any of this with Derek. Mainly because to explain that he might be a little messed up he’d feel like he should explain why. But he can’t explain the ‘why’ until he knows Derek is going to be a part of his life for more than just a few months. Stiles can’t really tell him about classified operations if they haven’t even put a label on their relationship.

All of this is always on Stiles’ mind as something he desperately wants to share with Derek. But when Derek picks him up Saturday not even an hour after Scott and Allison leave, Stiles puts all thoughts of PTSD and his mental stability behind him. He’s just ready to spend the day with the guy who is, Stiles suspects, doing everything in his power to make Stiles fall in love with him.

The day does little to diminish that fact.

Instead of feeling like he needs to fill the conversation with his past, Derek walks him through his hometown. It’s not like Stiles hasn’t already been here, he grew up here too, but now he’s seeing it through Derek’s eyes instead.

Derek had gone to the high school that rivaled Stiles’. There wasn’t much crossover with the students and aside from maybe hearing about Talia Hale, the lawyer, through his dad growing up Stiles never knew Derek when they were kids. So Derek takes him through his childhood and his favorite spots in town. The elementary school playground he cracked his chin open on. The library and bookstore that were his favorite places to curl up with a book as a quiet space away from his family. The bakery his coffee and muffin addiction started in. The park he goes to in order to people watch when he’s bored.

He’s constantly talking and telling stories or comparing to New York and Stiles just gets to go along for the ride. They make it to lunch at Derek’s favorite diner and then they switch roles. Stiles walks him through his Beacon Hills and all the places that have memories. He almost takes him to the cemetery to meet his mom but decides it might be too soon for that still. Not to mention would threaten to ruin the content mood of the day.

In the afternoon they end up at Derek’s house. Stiles gets the full tour now. All of Derek’s renovations and plans for the home. They get through the main floor where a lot of the work is already done and are up on the second floor when things get a bit more serious. The second floor is the master bedroom and bath, plus two guest rooms, and a second bathroom. Derek walks him through the master suite talking the whole time barreling past any possible awkwardness at this being the first time Stiles is in the room and Derek’s personal space.

Derek goes quiet and serious when they get to the empty guest bedroom. He’d pulled Stiles into the center of the room before he turned and held both of Stiles hands so they would face each other.

“Okay, I know it hasn’t even been a month of knowing each other in person, and just over a month of knowing your daughter but I have an offer to make. Your dad could probably use some more time in the office and Allison and Melissa could use some help being his backup. I guess I’m just thinking that if it’s okay with you- and Emily- but if it’s okay with you guys, I would have Emily and my mom help me do up this room to be hers. That way if there was ever a time where she needed to stay here there would be a bed ready and waiting.”

Stiles has the sudden urge to kiss the man and doesn’t do a thing to stop himself from doing so. His hands come up to cup Derek’s face as he leans in and kisses him hard. He’s pleased to notice when he pulls back that Derek’s a little dazed.

“How did I get so lucky to meet someone like you? I- I need to talk to Emily about it but I think that would be one of the nicest things anyone has ever offered to do for me. And if she says yes then we can call this her room.”

Derek pulls him in then and they kiss awkwardly around their smiles. Derek apparently doesn’t want to stand around in an empty room when there’s a perfectly good couch down stairs. So Stiles follows where Derek pulls him and has to catch himself from falling right on top of him when Derek falls back on the couch.

With one hand next to Derek’s head and the other under his arm by his ribs he’s accidentally caging Derek in. Before he can pull back even slightly Derek grabs his shirt and keeps him close. He doesn’t say anything just keeps flicking his eyes looking at Stiles’ mouth, his eyes, his face. Stiles lowers himself down so he’s laying on top of Derek; their bodies completely flush. Derek seems content to just look at Stiles and run his fingers lightly through Stiles’ hair. He tries not to lean into it too much as he looks his fill of Derek. He tries to figure out what color his eyes are today but Derek slowly brings his lips to Stiles and they’re kissing again.

This time it’s tender. It’s slow and languid and almost hesitant. Like Derek’s nervous. About what Stiles doesn’t know, maybe at his offer to watch Emily or maybe the relationship that’s blossoming between him and Stiles. Stiles presses back harder pushing Derek back into the couch cushions trying to kiss back his answers. That he still can’t hardly understand how they got there but he’s happy regardless.

The kissing stays slow and unhurried but they end up laying next to each other on the couch with Derek’s arms around Stiles neck and Stiles’ arms around Derek’s chest. It takes a while but Derek eventually pulls back with kiss swollen lips to look at Stiles .Stiles stomach decides to growl loud and long in the silence before Derek says anything.

Derek just laughs and asks, “You getting hungry at all?”

He gets himself off the edge of the couch and untangled from Stiles and then pulls Stiles up after him.

“Let’s go get some food.”

Stiles just nods and walks back out to Derek’s car. After Derek locks his front door again he crawls into the SUV a question already leaving his mouth.

“Mind if I invite a couple people to join us?”

Stiles raises an eyebrow in wary confusion but Derek just scoffs.

“It’s just my friends. You can hold off on meeting the rest of my family until later.”

Stiles sighs a little in relief because the Hale family is huge and he wasn’t really feeling up to the whole ordeal that would be. Instead Stiles tells him where they should go and Derek shoots off a quick couple of texts. The drive over is short and after Stiles adjusts the volume on the radio his hand lands on Derek’s where it rested on the console. He doesn’t let go just tightens his grip after interlacing their fingers and turns to look out the window smiling to himself. Everything with Derek is just so easy it's ridiculous.

Derek’s friends aren’t there yet when they get inside the restaurant but they just get a booth and wait after they order their drinks. In no time at all three young people walk in and Stiles know they’re all Derek’s friends from one thing alone. They’re all wearing black leather jackets like he’s seen Derek wear just the once. Stiles has to stifle a laugh at the idea of the jackets being a sign of true friendship between the people. Like, you can only join our group when you get one of these.

He’s pulled from his musings when the fierce looking blonde girl slides in the booth, followed by a tall, broad, dark skinned man and another equally tall but slender curly haired man sitting down last. The girl looks familiar and the last guy does too but he can’t place either one.

“Stiles, these are my best friends,” Derek starts and they all grin. “Blondie over there is Erica Reyes. She’s an EMT with her LPN so she fills in at the school every once in a while.”

“This guy is Boyd.” Boyd nods. “He’s her husband.” Erica leans over and kisses him on the cheek. Boyd’s lips twitch when she wipes away the red lipstick from his skin. Then he extends a hand to Stiles and Stiles reaches out to return the handshake.

“I work from home. Nice to meet you.”

Stiles nods and when Derek starts to introduce the last guy it finally hits Stiles where he knows him from.

“And this guy, the eternal third wheel to these two is-“

“Isaac Lahey.” Stiles finishes for him.

Isaac smiles brighter and reaches out to shake his hand too but Stiles pulls him up out of the booth and hugs him instead. When he pulls back the other three are staring at them.

“Sorry, I just. I know Isaac a little.”

Derek looks incredibly confused and raises an eyebrow at Stiles in question but Isaac is the one who explains.

“You guys remember when everything went down with my dad?” They all nod looking suddenly serious. “And how I was gone for a week before I ended up at your house Derek?” They nod again still looking confused. “Stiles and his dad had taken me in for that week until everything was squared away with my dad.”

Their waitress walks up then and the group orders their food. After they’ve had a moment to process the conversation picks right back up and Stiles learns all about Derek’s friends. It’s only fair he thinks, because Derek got to meet Scott and Allison and they’re the most important people to Stiles so why shouldn’t Stiles meet the people important to Derek. And if Emily is going to spend any amount of time with Derek these people might be around at some point. And Stiles likes knowing who is around his child.

He learns that Erica and Derek’s older sister Laura work together out of the same fire station. Erica works as the EMT full time but if the school nurse needs a replacement for a day Erica volunteers. That’s where Stiles recognized her from, she’d been there the day he surprised Emily and found Derek passed out on the floor in the classroom. Stiles can see in the way that Derek’s eyes stay soft around the edges even while he describes the torment Erica and Laura put him through that he loves them both like the sisters they are to him.

Boyd is quiet at first but he explains to Stiles what he does readily enough. It seems for as much as he watches his words when speaking he uses them quite effectively to write novels. He works from home and takes care of his little group of friends since he has the most flexible schedule. He also extends that to Stiles at one point saying that since he sets his own hours Stiles can call him anytime he needs help with something.

Isaac is the longest story of all them but for good reason. Stiles had been the one to notice Isaac’s bruises multiple times when they saw each other at the one comic book store in town. After Stiles had seen bruises for the umpteenth time he finally approached Isaac, introduced himself and who his dad was and gave him his phone number to call if he ever needed help. Stiles didn’t know if it was bullies or a domestic thing but it didn’t matter to Stiles. Nobody should live through that kind of hurt.

Of course less than two weeks later Stiles got a call from an unknown number while his dad was out on a call. So he got into his old jeep and called up a deputy he trusted to meet him at the Lahey residence. When they got there they found Mr. Lahey passed out on the couch with bloodied hands and a bottle of vodka on the floor next to him lying empty. They called out for Isaac but ended up searching the house until they found him huddled in the tub of the upstairs bathroom. The deputy helped Isaac out of the tub and Stiles worked on calming him down. By the time they got Isaac out to Stiles' car, the deputy had called everything in and gave Stiles permission to drive Isaac away from the scene before more cops showed up.

It was a long drawn out night but after a visit to the hospital and the station Stiles brought Isaac back to his house. He pulled out the emergency kit he’d put together after giving Isaac his number and handed it over. Isaac had looked inside and seen the clean, new clothes and blanket and finally broke down.

Since Stiles already knows all that backstory Isaac just goes right in to what he’s doing now. Apparently the abuse was a result of jealousy. The elder Lahey man had married a young woman who ended up having a wealthy father. When her dad passed away the inheritance was left solely to her and none of it was allowed to be given to her husband. When she lost her battle with cancer when Isaac was 15 and the will stated again that the inheritance was supposed to be left to Isaac alone the jealous man became a drunk abusive father. Isaac had lived with the abuse and hid it the best he could from his friends. After he spent a week with the Stilinski men and his dad was incarcerated he ended up living with the Hales until he turned eighteen and could get a place of his own.

He went to college with the rest of them and got a business degree, came back from NYU and started his own nonprofit. Isaac explains that he makes up bags like the emergency kit Stiles had given him. The bags have a blanket, pajamas, under clothes and basic toiletries and amenities. He doesn’t go into it too much but explains that feeling like he mattered enough to be given things of his own and to have control over something as simple as what he work and how he brushed his teeth helped incredibly.

At the end of the meal when they get up to leave Stiles gets a handshake from Boyd and hugs from both Isaac and Erica. Derek doesn’t say much on the drive home but walks him to his front door and cages him in against it like they’re in a rom com all of a sudden.

“I remember you,” Derek tells Stiles, their faces still only inches apart. “You were in the car with your dad and you guys brought Isaac to our house.”

Stiles nods because he’d been in the back of the cruiser so Isaac could sit up front and not feel like a criminal in the back.

“I didn’t see you though.”

Derek just shakes his head. “I was creeping through the window; I wasn’t outside.” He stops, pausing for so long that Stiles has to prompt him to continue. “We all knew something wasn’t right with Isaac’s dad. But he refused to talk about it. Then when he was gone for a couple days and didn’t call any of us we were freaking out. We went to the house and saw it all taped up with police tape and then all three of us went to the police station demanding to know what had happened. I didn’t even think that if Isaac had died at the hands of his father my mother would have been on the case and would have told me I just was panicking. But they sent us back to your dad and he told us Isaac was safe and that he’d be back in school as soon as they could deal with his dad.”

He finally leans in and kisses Stiles gently when he finishes his story.

“What was that for?” Stiles asks softly.

“For saving my friend.” Derek shrugs but is still wearing an awed smile. “For being you, I guess.”

Stiles kisses him again quick before he pulls Derek into a hug. When Derek kisses him goodnight right there on the front porch Stiles can’t deny, even a little bit, that he’s probably in love.

*

By Stiles fourth week home he’s decided he’s had enough of spending every spare moment with Derek and his dad. He just wants to hang out with his daughter, just the two of them. Derek, being the perfect person that he is, looks slightly horrified that he’s maybe spent too much time with Stiles and vehemently insists that Stiles take at least the day if not two to spend with her after school.

It’s easy now to put all the things he knows about Derek from the letters together with the new things he’s learning. Derek told him, in detail, about his past relationships and how affected he’d been by their manipulation. He told Stiles that he trusts him as a friend from the letters and he’s willing to risk his feelings for Stiles and Emily. He told Derek straight up that they’re worth it.

At this point Stiles has accepted that they’re unofficially dating but he’s still nervous about long term. Stiles has always been very self-aware and it’s come in very useful with what he does now for the Rangers. And he knows this last tour has affected him more than he wants to admit. And whatever happens in these last few months could only make it worse. Stiles already feels uncertain bringing Derek into a relationship with Emily being such a big factor, but then add in Stiles’ PTSD possibly getting worse? He feels like that puts a lot on Derek that he doesn’t deserve. A big part of Stiles wants to pull away now and stop this so Derek could find someone with less baggage. Less problems. Not that Emily is a problem but it’s a big thing to take on responsibility for a child that isn’t even your own.

But then Stiles thinks about Derek’s offer to help take care of Emily and can’t help but think that he’s too late. Too late to protect them all if it doesn’t work with Derek. They’re all invested in this now and Stiles will have to decide if he’s staying for himself or for Derek.

But for the time being he’s pushing all such thoughts away to focus on his daughter. He brings her home and she does her homework quick while Stiles gathers snacks and movies into his bedroom. When she finishes the simple worksheet they go up to his room to build their den. Stiles’ four poster bed makes it easy to throw sheets across the posts and make a fort. While Stiles gets them all draped across, Emily gets out the quilt Stiles’ mom’s mom made and all the extra pillows get put on the bed. She crawls in and waits for Stiles to close the shades and grab the laptop. They start out just sitting next to each other but it takes no time at all for them to be all cuddled together with Emily resting her head on his chest.

They watch a movie and then when it’s over they just sit and talk. Stiles listens to stories about Mrs. Dahl and her class. About her adventures with Auntie Ally, Grandpa and Deputy Parrish. After a while Stiles brings up the question he needs to ask his daughter.

“Okay, sweetie.  I need to ask you something and I want you to think about it before you answer, okay?”

She nods seriously up at him.

“Okay, so remember this is just a visit and I have to go back to Afghanistan to get the bad guys, right? So when Uncle Scott and I leave again Auntie Ally is going to be pretty busy and grandpa has been pretty busy lately too, hasn’t he?”

She nods, “Yeah, Deputy Parrish has picked me up from school a lot.”

“Okay, so now here’s the big question. What do you think of Derek? Is he a good egg?”

She giggles, “Derek’s not an egg, daddy. Let me think.”

He gives her a minute because he wants her to really think and not just give the answer she thinks Stiles is looking for.

“I think…” she starts slowly. “he’s nice. And he makes you smile. And grandpa likes him and his momma is really nice.”

“You like being around him?”

She rolls her eyes at him. “Duh, daddy. I like him even more than I liked Mrs. Dahl.”

Wow, okay then. Stiles has had numerous skype calls that were just Emmy praising Mrs. Dahl and that she was her favorite person ever and ‘she’s amazing dad she made a picture of a turkey just using her hand!’

“So you feels safe with him? You’re comfortable being around him after school?”

“Yes, dad. And if I didn’t I’d tell you or grandpa. Why though?”

“Well, Derek offered to look after you while I’m gone if grandpa and Allison get too busy and need help.”

She seems to consider this and goes quiet for just a moment.

“Would I stay at his house?”

Stiles feels his eyebrows shoot up and his eyes go wide in surprise.

“Would you want to?”

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t have a bed there and if grandpa needed to work late I might fall asleep.”

“That’s true, baby. I’ll tell you what. Derek said that Ms. Talia wanted to decorate a room for a certain six year old we all know. So maybe you could ask her what kind of bed would be in there and if you’d fit.”

She misses the joke and nods seriously, like the next time she sees Talia that will be the first thing she’d ask. After Stiles is certain she’s telling the truth and not just answering to make him happy they go back to watching movies. They get sick of sitting still after a few though and end up playing outside until John gets home. It’s just what Stiles needed.

For as much as he’s enjoyed meeting Derek and spending time with him and everyone together, getting to just be with his daughter is what he’s been looking forward to the most. He’s missed so much of her life; he’s ready to be done deploying forever so he doesn’t have to miss a minute more.

*

Derek is just getting to his classroom Thursday morning and dumping his jacket and bag at his desk when he hears the pitter patter of little feet coming down the hallway and into his room. He looks up and sees Emily coming straight for him, her face turned down. She gets right in front of him and tugs on his shirt insistently until he kneels down in front of her. It’s then he sees the tear tracks and hears her sniffle.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

Before he can do anything she’s thrown herself at him wrapping her arms around his neck and tucking her face in the crook of his neck and rests her head on his shoulder.

He stands then, holding her in his arms trying not to worry about why she’s currently crying into his neck. He fails. He turns with wide eyes when he hears someone come through the door and sighs slightly in relief when he sees Stiles.

“Is she okay?”

Stiles manages a smile but it’s melancholy and doesn’t reach his eyes. He keeps walking into the room until he’s right in front of Derek and reaches out and puts his hand on Emily’s back trying to comfort her.

“I have to leave Saturday morning early," he says quietly. "They need me back sooner than they expected. On the upside, the sooner I get back over there the sooner I’ll be back here forever?” Stiles optimism falls flat as Emily starts sobbing in earnest and Derek feels his throat constrict. Stiles sighs and rubs at Emily’s back gently.“I wasn’t going to tell her until after school today but she overheard the phone call.”

“I, uh,” Derek tries to begin, but finds he needs to clear his throat to get any words out. Stiles just pulls them both into his arms and holds on. Derek is reminded that they’re the same height when he rests his forehead on Stiles’ shoulder. “It’s only been a month. I thought you were supposed to get two?”

Derek doesn’t know what to think. He’s not ready for Stiles to leave; they only just started this thing between them. He knew it was going to happen he just thought he’d have more time to get used to the idea. He couldn’t have predicted getting to spend so much time with Stiles or getting as close as they have. He can’t help but wonder where this leaves him and Stiles.

“Nothing will change Derek, unless you want it to,” Stiles says softly and Derek realizes he’d said the last part out loud. “We’ll keep everything the same. You’re my person and you’ll write me letters and now you two can Skype me together.” Stiles brings a hand that had been running up and down Derek’s back up to palm the back of Derek’s head. “It’s my last few months of being deployed. At most I’ll be gone 6 months so no matter what I’ll be home for all the holidays this fall. And at best I’ll be home for part of summer vacation.”

Stiles trails off then unable to think of anything else to say and Derek just revels in the feeling of being safe in Stiles’ arms, however brief it may be. They all look up when they hear a noise in the doorway.

“Mr. Hale I- Oh, I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” Principle Deaton asks looking concerned.

Derek has to clear his throat again to answer, “No, sorry, we just got some bad news this morning.”

Derek watches recognition pass across Deaton’s face before he speaks again.

“I’ve heard you two have had the opportunity to get to know each other better over the last few weeks.”

“Sir, I know that teachers are not allowed to be involved with their student’s parents, but-“

“Nonsense,” Deaton cuts him off with a wave of his hand. “From what I understand you’ve known Mr. Stilinski here for months prior to you even moving home. I don’t have a problem with any of this except the bad news. Is there anything I can do?”

Derek shakes his head and Stiles answers quietly.

“I’m afraid we can’t do much. I was supposed to have another two weeks but the Army needs me back early. I leave early Saturday morning.”

Derek’s more focused on getting Emily to calm down but doesn’t miss when Deaton says, “Well, that is sad news indeed. I’ll call for a substitute Mr. Hale, I don’t want to see you back here until Monday morning. Good luck, Stiles.” And with that he leaves the room.

Derek stands there in confusion.

“He just gave me the next two days off.”

Stiles shakes his head and takes his daughter into his arms from Derek.

“Grab your stuff, Derek. Let’s get out of here before your kids see you.”

So Stiles carries Emily back out to the car and Derek trails right behind them to the Toyota. Emily panics briefly when he doesn’t go to their car but his own. He’s quick to reassure her that he’s coming he just needs to drive his own car. She calms down after he pinky promises that he’s coming over and she gets a kiss on the forehead.

John is home when they get there and the mood is decidedly too sad for Derek to stand. He and Stiles rummage through a closet and pull out board games and puzzles they use to pass the time. It works to lighten the mood and by the afternoon Emily is playing happily with her dad and it’s a little less painful to sit through the wait.

By the time they start to think about making supper the doorbell rings. To Derek’s surprise the sheriff comes back to the living room and ushers in Derek’s parents. Talia and Andrew had brought supper and wanted to get better acquainted with the Stilinski men. So they all sit down and eat the takeout they brought and talk about the plan for after Stiles leaves. Talia mentions that having a schedule with something stable would be better for Emily than to leave it all up in the air. John agrees and Derek can see the relief at the idea of having help with his granddaughter. It’s not that Derek thinks John doesn’t want to watch her but sometimes investigating can be long hours at random times.

So they enjoy their meal and make a plan for Emily. After they finish eating John and Andrew retire to the living room to visit some more, Emily has placed herself in Talia’s lap and they’re discussing her bedroom at Derek’s while Stiles and Derek clean up the dishes.

“I was going to talk to you about that.”

Derek raises an eyebrow in question and Stiles huffs a laugh.

“I’m going to spend a lot of time communicating with your facial expressions aren’t I?” he laughs. “I talked to Emily about maybe staying with you sometimes while I’m gone. She seemed to think it was a good idea except she didn’t have a bed and you need to know the good pizza place to order from.”

Derek laughs lightly because he can just picture her being worried about those two things. The two things Derek will have under control when the time comes for her to stay over. But Derek needs to be sure Stiles is comfortable with it too.

“What about you? Are you 100% okay with this?”

Stiles takes a moment to really consider it which Derek appreciates.

“I trust you, I trust her, and I know the people that you will have around. I’m okay with it I just don’t want to be taking advantage.”

Derek shakes his head because, “I offered Stiles. I want to help however I can.”

Stiles just wipes the suds from his hands and grabs a towel after the last dish is in the drying rack. When he looks back up at Derek he has such a look of awe and wonder Derek can’t help the blush that rises on his cheeks.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Stiles says softly, fiddling with the towel.

“Then why the staring,” Derek counters.

Stiles slaps the towel down and sighs in mock frustration.

“You’re just amazing and I don’t deserve you in my life.”

“Stiles-“

“You do everything you can to keep Emily the number one priority. Do you know how- what people- just do you get that you are an awesome person who not only wants to be with me but also accepts straight up that I have a daughter?”

Derek pulls Stiles to him tugging on his t-shirt.

“I knew from that first letter you sent back that you were a dad. I can’t imagine doing this any differently. You are both two of the most interesting people I’ve ever had walk into my life and I want you to stay now that you’re in it. I love you both, why would I want to exclude your daughter?”

Stiles hand comes up to rest on the back of Derek’s neck and uses it to pull him into a kiss. His own hands find their way to hold Stiles' face as he kisses back.

“Dad. You’re being gross like Uncle Scott and Auntie Ally.” Emily’s voice rings out in the kitchen and she sounds very disapproving of their behavior. Stiles just pulls back slightly and raises and eyebrow at Derek. They lunge for her in the next moment and scoop her up and start peppering kisses all over her face until her giggles turn to laughter that fills the room.

Derek doesn’t let his parents stay much longer and leaves with them insisting that Stiles take some time to just be with his dad and his daughter. He goes home and tries not to think about going back to life without Stiles here. He’s still not sure he wants to go back to just letters. Now that he’s felt Stiles embrace and seen his smile and tasted his kisses. He’s just not sure he’s ready to let that go.

He sleeps in the next morning and doesn’t go back over to the Stilinski house until the afternoon. It’s not as depressing as he’s expecting it to be in the house. They’re having tea again and Derek gets to join even though he’s not properly dressed. They talk about everything but Stiles leaving and somehow get through another afternoon of movies and games and adventures outside.

Evening rolls around and after they put Emily to bed Derek goes back downstairs to the living room. Stiles follows him down and stops right close in front of Derek. He reaches out a hand and Derek intertwines his fingers with Stiles’.

“What time is your flight?”

“Eight.”

“So I’ll come over at what? Five?”

But Stiles shakes his head and pulls Derek even closer.

“Just stay. Please?”

Derek can’t think of a single reason to say no and nods. Stiles kisses him softly and pulls him the stairs. They get ready for bed and undress in silence. Stiles gets into the bed on ‘his’ side and Derek goes to the other. It doesn’t matter much because as soon as Derek is in the bed Stiles is the pulling him towards the middle.

He lets Stiles arrange their bodies and it’s not so much that Derek is the little spoon but more like he’s being hugged by an octopus. Stiles throws a bent leg over both of Derek’s. Derek rests a hand on Stiles thigh and Stiles wraps his arm around Derek’s torso letting his warm palm rest on Derek’s hip.

Derek lays there for a moment before he can’t keep the words in anymore.

“I don’t want you to go,” he whispers.

“I know,” Stiles says back softly. “But I promise I’ll come back.”

They trade bittersweet kisses for a while until Stiles finally relaxes and falls asleep. Derek lies awake a little while longer thinking. He’s had so much happen since he moved home, well, since he started writing Stiles in the first place. Things may not be perfect but Derek is going to be in this with Stiles for as long as Stiles wants him.

And when Stiles tightens his hold on Derek even in sleep he’s comforted by the idea that Stiles wants him there just as much as Derek wants to be in his arms.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isaac's organization is based off a real thing that can be found [here](http://www.ignitelight.org)


	3. Battlefields

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battlefields are everywhere, even at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear in mind that this was written by someone who is not suffering from PTSD and only knows what she knows from friends with it and cursory research. If there is some glaring error let me know. I mean no disrespect or to misrepresent PTSD and those that deal with it. 
> 
> Feel free to let me know how I did with this.
> 
> More spoiler type warnings in the end notes

*

_Derek,_

_Spending time with you this last month has been more than I could have hoped for from a leave. Getting to meet you and see you interact with my friends and my daughter was amazing._

_But I have to be honest with you Derek. A big part of me doesn’t want to date you._

_I have a daughter. And she is my world. I can’t let just anybody into our lives and I can’t ask someone to take responsibility for a child that isn’t their own. And I would have to have a high level of trust in the person before I want them around Emily. Another big thing holding me back is my PTSD. I never really talk about it mainly because it’s not that bad and I can’t explain why I have it in the first place._

_I just don’t think it’s fair to you. You deserve someone who is going to be there in a relationship just for you. After all you’ve dealt with in your past relationships you deserve someone amazing. Someone better than me, a soon to be ex-army ranger with mental health issues and a six year old daughter. It doesn’t seem fair to put all of my issues on your shoulders. I would feel guilty for the extra work of helping with a child. Guilty for dealing with me and the very real possibility of health issues when I get home from deployment. If we were in a relationship all I see is me heaping the work and stress onto you and your life. I don’t want to be just another person on the list of people who used you and left you._

_Being home I saw how great you are. The biggest thing you deserve, Derek, is whatever future you want. And if you’re with me the future might not be that bright or easy to get to._

_But, there’s a bigger part of me, Derek, that is hopelessly in love with your smile. And the way your eyes light up when you see me or Emily. How much you included her and never made her feel left out or like she didn’t matter or a burden. I fell in love with the way you feel in my arms and the way I felt in yours. And the way you seem to understand me so well it scares me._

_The thing is, I want to be with you so badly it’s infuriating . You seemed to fit right into our lives so easily. You’re already invested in my daughter, you introduced me to your friends and your parents. You’ve met my dad and my family with Scott. They all love you and approve. I know this is something we should have just talked about while I was home but it’s easier for me to get it all out this way._

_I want to date you Derek Hale. I want you to be my partner in life and help me bring Emily through it. I want to make you lunches to take to school and cook you meals in your fancy kitchen. I want to see if Sunday tea can happen in places that aren’t my dad’s living room._

_I want to be selfish and say screw the downsides and just be with you without any reservations. But I can’t do that to Emily. I can’t just bring someone into our lives and then have you decide it’s too much, which you have every right to do by the way, and need to leave. I can’t put my daughter through that._

_I’m not asking for forever I just need to know that you are aware that I have my reasons for my hesitation. And all of it is because of me or Emily, none of it is from anything you’ve done or anything about you._

_But I want to date you._

_Because I’m in love with you._

_We’ll talk soon,_

Stiles

*

Derek rereads the letter Stiles left him at the airport for the hundredth time. Derek had read it after Stiles was gone, just like he asked, once Emily was home with John. He’d sat down in his chair in the study and read in the dim morning light all the things Stiles wrote about why they shouldn’t date. Having to watch Stiles walk away to face untold dangers on the battlefield was hard enough. But reading Stiles doubts about himself and what he has with Derek just made it worse.

Stiles had promised to call them on Skype as soon as he got to his base before he went on any mission. True to his word Stiles called when Derek was over at the Stilinski house with John and Emily. They’d chatted about Stiles’ flight and how they already had a letter written to send him at his new base. After John and Emily were done they left the two of them to talk.

Stiles had grown quiet waiting for Derek to start. He wouldn’t look at the camera and sat picking at his uniform sleeves until Derek cleared his throat. Derek just held up the letter to make no allusions that they would be discussing it.

“There were parts of this I really enjoyed reading,” he started. “Mainly the part about how you love me. That’s probably my favorite.” Derek had paused trying to think of a nice way to say what he was thinking. Instead what came out was something closer to, “How naïve do you think I am, Stiles? You really think I haven’t considered all of that? Thought about the fact that dating a soldier means a few different things? Like deployment or the effects of being in battle. You don’t think I already knew that stuff?”

Stiles had shrugged silently and Derek huffed in indignation.

“I’m not that stupid. The only issues I’m willing to address are your concerns about Emily. I’m not asking for forever here either Stiles, I would really like to date you some more before we give each other that kind of commitment. But I know that we can’t do it casually. So for now, how about you let me worry about what I want and what I think I can handle and we’ll see where we end up when you get home.”

Stiles had sighed with a small, embarrassed smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and agreed to those terms.

That was three weeks ago.

In those three weeks they’ve had another skype call and two letters from Stiles. John, Emily and Derek have gotten into a comfortable rhythm. Most weekdays Emily will spend with Derek after school while John works in his office. And the rest of the week Emily gets picked up by either John or Melissa and stays at home. Derek’s mom and Emily had decorated her room and picked out a bed within days of Stiles leaving so she had a place to sleep right away. The back and forth schedule they’ve been using has worked for them all pretty much since Stiles left.

The routine works for them. Emily is so easy to be around and take care of. She is probably the lowest maintenance little kid Derek has ever been around. She helps him in the kitchen a lot more than he expected she’d be able to and always helps with the dishes. She keeps her room tidy and her books and toys that have ended up in Derek’s house are always organized. They watch way too many movies and write Stiles letters at least once a week.

But as time passes they get less and less contact from Stiles until it cuts off all together by the first week of May. They operate under the assumption that no news is good news. Apparently last year when Stiles was missing in action the Army had notified John. But with no calls from his commander and no visits from a chaplain it means Stiles is alive out there somewhere doing his job.

It’s almost June and school is almost over for the summer break. Derek wakes up one morning and checks his phone to see a missed call and a voicemail.

His heart soars when he see’s Stiles name on the screen from the international number he’d programed into Derek’s phone before he left.

The call was at 3:45am so Derek slept right through it.

He calls the voicemail excited to hear Stiles voice having gone almost two months without hearing it at all.

The audio is scratchy and the background is noisy, but it’s definitely Stiles hoarse voice coming through the speaker saying something Derek didn’t ever think to prepare for.

“Scott’s dead.”

*

Stiles is in shock. He knows that somewhere in his brain. Mostly he's been running on auto-pilot since the moment he found Scott bleeding out in the field. A broken leg and a dead best friend is what he has to show for that last 'successful' mission. His leg was treated with just a basic splint on the base before he was flown to Germany. He spent the better part of a day and a half in a hospital there where they dealt with his leg more thoroughly. After he was deemed safe for travel he was flown home with Scott's body in the box next to him. Somewhere in there he thinks he called his dad and Derek. Neither answered but Stiles left messages for both. He can't imagine Melissa not calling his dad immediately after the notifying officer showed up to tell her about Scott.

 

So now Stiles is being sent home; for good. He requested the Veteran’s hospital in Beacon Hills and they got him there within days. Debriefing should have taken at least a month with his deployment being over a year in total length. But this whole situation…he has to be home for the funeral. And the state he’s in? He needs to be where people can watch him. Can keep him from hurting other people.

 

But Stiles isn’t ready for _this_. Will never be ready for this.

His psychiatrist is insisting that he needs to do it though. And if he wants to feel better and go home to his daughter and his dad and his- Derek, he needs to take steps to get through this. At least, that’s what his doctor is saying from his stupid doctor chair in this stupid hospital room while they wait for Allison to be shown in. Stiles feels panicky and overwhelmed as he starts to think about what he’s going to say to her. His throat is already tight thinking about it and his voice comes out hoarse from disuse.

“What am I supposed to say?”

His doctor just shakes his head.

“You said you three have been friends since Pre-K. I doubt you’ll have to think too hard on what to say. It’s more important that you see each other at this point.”

Stiles doesn’t really doubt that but he still wishes he knew what to say; he’s never at a loss for words. He sits up in his bed, putting too much weight on his leg but he just winces and sucks it up. He sits wringing his hands while he waits for her to come through the door.

But then the door opens and Stiles freezes in the bed as Allison walks in alone. Stiles’ chest constricts at the sight of her crestfallen expression and he can feel the tears coming to his eyes.  His hands move up of their own accord reaching towards his friend. But Allison hasn’t even hesitated and keeps walking until she’s right next to the bed. She doesn’t stop there but instead she hops up and sits sideways in the V of his legs letting hers drape over the side of the bed. She wraps her arms around him and he returns the embrace. It’s all he can do to hold her close and choke out the beginnings of an apology that doesn’t deserve acceptance.

“Ally- I- I’m so sorry.”

She pulls back like his words scorched her and looks at him with tear filled eyes of her own. Stiles can’t even try to stop crying once he starts. He pulls his hands back from around her to cover his face and lets the sobs wrack through his body. Their roles reverse and Allison holds him instead.

“Stiles it’s not your fault! You can’t take that on yourself!”

“Of _course_ it’s my fault. He was my extraction lead. If I would have just done my job right in the first place-“

“Przemysław Alec Stilinski stop it right now. I was briefed of the mission-“

It’s his turn to pull back and look at her because no one gets briefed on their missions. But she just sniffs and rolls her eyes.

“Do you really think I wasn’t going to push for the real story? Given the unit and the fact that my dad and Lieutenant Colonel Morrell go way back you think I wouldn’t push her for the full reason why my husband is dead?”

Stiles just shakes his head again because, “It’s still my fault. I couldn’t do it. They had to come get me because I couldn’t do my fucking job.”

Allison just pulls him back in and he rests his head on her shoulder tucking his face into her neck as she rubs at his back.

“I failed you. I promised I’d always bring him back.”

“You did bring him back.” She says even though she’s crying again.

A sob escapes him when he gets out, “Bringing him back in a coffin wasn’t the deal.”

“Stiles when you saw Scott go down did you leave him there? No, you crawled to him, with a broken leg,” she gestures to the cast in case he’s forgotten, “and you defended your position until the rest of the team could get to you and get you both to the pickup point and get all of you out of there as fast as you could.”

“Wasn’t fast enough.”

“Do you know how many people out there have loved ones missing in action? Presumed dead? How many don’t have closure? Stiles, we all knew what it meant when you two joined up. You both knew the risks. I know it’s not going to be easy to bury the love of my life but I sure as hell would rather know what happened and where he is now instead of always wondering if he’s out there somewhere.”

She always could outsmart him when it came to emotions. Goddammit.

But it’s still his fault.

“It’s still my fault, Ally. That mission-“

“Wasn’t approved.” She interrupts him and looks him in the eye when he looks up at her. He searches her face in confusion. There’s no way-

She grabs his face gently between her hands and doesn’t let him go.

“Morrell didn’t approve the mission, the extraction was the problem, Stiles. Deucalion did it anyway.”

Stiles looks at the open door and then the doctor until the psychiatrist gets up and closes it behind him as he steps out of the room. He lowers his voice anyway and feels his desperation for her to believe him mounting. She moves her hands from his face to his shoulders and holds on to him tight.

“I- I tried to get them to see that. I could get in and deal with the target no issue but I had no exit. Scott and I strategized for those first weeks back and we just couldn’t get a solid plan. But Duec was pushing for it and said the higher ups were waiting and we were on a timed deadline. So we put together, we had three options. None of which were very good.”

He has to stop and look down at his hands which he’s been wringing in his lap again. He clenches them in fists and Allison runs her hands down his arms to pry his hands into hers.

“I wasn’t supposed to have an exit. They were supposed to leave me. I was going to disassemble and bury my rifle and then get myself out of there, no matter how long it took. But- but I was going over a mountain on foot and on day seven my foot got caught between two rocks and when I twisted to free myself my leg snapped. I was in the worst possible part of my path back to base to need a rescue but there I was flat on my back with a broken leg. I got myself unstuck and I crawled until I found a cave along the path. I passed out once I stopped moving but when I woke up I had to call in Scott and the team. So it _is_ my fault. I couldn’t just walk down a mountain-“

“Stiles stop it,” she commands so sternly he looks up at her. The tears have stopped and her face is still flushed from crying but now she is angry. She shakes his hands in her grip and her eyes are hard when she continues.

“Scott was never going to leave you. And with the terrain you were crossing, alone and without supplies, you were lucky you didn’t break your _neck_.” The ‘you idiot’ is very much implied through her tone. “You did not kill Scott and you are not the reason he is dead.”

Hearing the words loosens something in Stiles and all the fight leaves his body. Allison takes it to mean that he believes her and Stiles doesn’t think to correct her assumption. At the very least, she doesn’t blame him. That’s what's relieving.

But in reality he’s still thinking, ‘what’s one more person on the list I’ve been responsible for.’

For now his spine relaxes and he falls back onto the pillows and the bed. He’s still partially sitting upright with the angle of the bed and Allison reaches up and pats him on the chest. Her eyes are twinkling slightly and she tries to smile.

“Now heal up, Sarge. I’m going to need your expertise soon.”

He gives her a confused look and she pulls her hand from his chest back to herself. Stiles really looks and she pulls her hands to her stomach and- no.

“You’re pregnant?”

He jolts back up to sitting up-right and winces again when it puts pressure on his leg. Allison pushes him back down and tries for another smile.

“That’s right.” She looks down at her abdomen for a moment before meeting his gaze once again. “Condom broke when you guys were home on leave.”

Stiles twists his face in disgust for a moment.

“Ew. Didn’t we discuss that I would never know anything about your sex life? You’re like my siblings.”

She slaps his chest lightly and huffs a weak laugh.

“ _Anyway_ , we decided just not to worry about it and let whatever happened happen. I told him the last time we skyped that I’d taken a test and it was positive. He knew what he was risking to save you Stiles and he would have done it again. You know he would. I need you to get better so you can help me with this. You helped Heather through her pregnancy with Emily so I know you can help me too.”

The last part comes out a bit strangled and she lets herself fall onto his chest. They stay like that for a while, Stiles leaning back on the bed and Allison in his lap laying on his chest. He lets her cry quietly and work through her emotions for the time being until she can stop her tears. Even then he just holds her until she has to leave.

It’s a small price to pay for being the one who got her husband, best friend and father of her child killed in action.

With seeing Allison out of the way, now he just needs to get through getting rid of Derek and seeing his dad and his daughter.

*

Stiles looks terrible. His skin is dark, but his face is paled. His leg is in a cast and propped up on a pillow. His hair is long and unkempt and he’s got _facial hair_. Almost a full on beard. He’s in the hospital bed but he’s not hooked up to too many things at least. It’s only a single IV and the heart monitor so that’s a plus at least.

Derek had gotten a message that Stiles wanted to see him. John had gotten a similar message for Emily and him to come to the hospital but nearly an hour after Derek was supposed to be there. John was going to be in the office until Stiles wanted him there and Derek would be coming from school. It made more sense to just bring Emily with him straight from school.

This is why he’s standing outside Stiles hospital room with her perched on his hip watching Stiles stare out the window. Derek watches his hands clench and unclench into fists. And that is the only movement he makes. He doesn’t fidget or shift at all just sits in the bed staring outside with window at the view of Beacon Hills.

After their first conversation over Skype when Stiles first returned to Afghanistan, Derek spent some time thinking. Derek sat himself down and really thought. Was he going to invest himself in a relationship with a person facing untold mental health issues, possible physical health issues, and a six-year-old daughter?

Does he want to invest himself in a person who knows his history and doesn’t judge him for it? Stiles even told him that the women he dated were the ones at fault because the manipulators are at fault not the person who was manipulated. Does Derek want to be with a person who not only stood by the girl he got pregnant even though they weren’t married. That same type of person who took on the task of raising an infant nearly completely alone. And Stiles is the same person who chose to sacrifice part of his life and time away from his daughter so serve his country.

Derek is pretty confident that he wants to be involved with that kind of person. And getting Stiles to believe that is going to be a battle in and of itself.

Derek carries Emily into the room after knocking slightly but Stiles doesn’t react.

“Stiles? We’re here.”

“Hi, daddy.”

Derek sees Stiles’ hands unclench from their fists and notices Stiles is trembling. He doesn’t turn from looking out the window though.

“I didn’t want Emily here yet. I needed to talk to you alone.”

“But Stiles I-“

“Didn’t you want to see me, daddy? I missed you.”

Stiles finally turns at the sound of Emily’s voice tight with tears. She’s way too perceptive for being six and she looks at her dad in shock, eyes brimming with tears. Stiles looks gutted at making his daughter sad. He looks seconds away from crying himself.

“Baby of course I wanted to see you. I missed you like crazy.” Stiles admits, voice tight as the tears start flowing freely.

Derek passes her over to him on the bed and she straddles his lap and tucks her head into his neck as she wraps her arms around him. He clings back just as tightly and maybe this was why Stiles didn’t want these reunions to happen together.

He’s more inclined to think Stiles wants to break up with him and didn’t want his daughter around but they can’t change it now.

“I just don’t want to hurt you, even on accident.”

Derek hears Stiles say softly as he rubs his daughter’s back. Emily pulls back and braces her weight with her hands on his shoulders.

“Daddy, don’t be stupid.”

Stiles lets out a cross between a sob and a laugh as he reaches out to straighten her hair.

“When will you be home so we can have sad time tea and cake? Grandpa is sad, Auntie Ally is sad, Ms. Melissa is too and now so are you.”

Stiles looks like he’s fighting tears again when he gives her a watery smile and pulls her back into a hug.

“As soon as I can, honey. But- Daddy got hurt,” he lets her sit back up so they can look at each other. “I hurt my leg and some stuff in here isn’t quite right.” He tells her as he taps a finger at his temple. “But we’ll have the tea and cake we have when we’re sad when I get home, okay?”

She nods and hugs him again.

“Sweetie, can you wait just outside the door for Grandpa to get here? I need to talk with Derek for a minute.”

She pulls back and studies his face for a moment. She finds whatever she was looking for, nods, kisses him on the cheek and looks to Derek to get her down. He pulls her off of Stiles’ bed and gives her his phone to play games on as he sits her down on the chair outside the door to Stiles’ room.

Once he’s back inside he closes the door and faces Stiles again. But Stiles is staring out the window again and won’t look at him.

“I need you to go.”

Derek shakes his head at the man.

“No.”

“You deserve someone better. Someone who isn’t broken.”

“Nope.”

“You need to go find someone who can take care of you the way you deserve.”

“Wrong.”

“ _Right,”_ Stiles stresses as he finally turns and looks at Derek. “Derek that mission, and- and losing Scott. I’m messed up. I can’t be the person you deserve to care about. I can’t be just another person who uses you.”

“Shut up.” Derek sighs, getting exasperated. His reasons are getting old.

“Derek-“

Stiles starts again shaking his head like Derek doesn’t understand. But Derek _does_ understand.

“No. You shut up and listen. Are you not still Sergeant Stilinski of the Army Rangers?” Stiles nods, confused. “Are you still the man who raised a daughter mostly alone even while being deployed? And the same man who wrote to a school teacher, befriended him and when you got to know him and his issues, assured him that the actions of others were not his responsibility? That his manipulation in relationships was not his fault?”

“Derek listen-“

But Derek isn’t done.

“You’re not that guy?”

“Of course I am.”

“Ok great. So here’s the thing, I’m not going anywhere. I’m confident that while you might need help right now, or for the next six months or maybe the next six years, you didn’t pick to date me for the specific purpose of using me for that help. Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t know we’d get as close as we have when you wrote back to me that first time. Stiles we were pen pals first, then we were friends and then I fell in love with you.”

Stiles looks up at him looking open and vulnerable and that nearly guts Derek because how can he not know that.

“Stiles, I love you. And right now all I see is a person who I love who needs help. And I want to be that help.”

Stiles doesn’t move but the tears welling up in his eyes spill over down his cheeks.

“So can you stop pushing me away now?”

Derek doesn’t move until Stiles nods but once he does Derek strides across the room and pulls Stiles into his arms as much as he can. They end up getting Emily back into the room and curled up on one side of Stiles in the bed and Derek awkwardly squished on the side opposite Stiles’ cast. They lay like that trying to give comfort as much as they can to Stiles until John comes.

After that Derek leaves the family to be together for a little while. It’s a few days to the funeral and Derek has kids to teach and a house to clean and get ready for Stiles and the possibility of a wheelchair being there.

Derek already decided to be there for Stiles. If being there means giving space he’ll do that too. For now Derek is going to help Stiles through the funeral and see where it goes from there.

*

The funeral goes well, Stiles thinks. As well as a funeral can go. His nurses helped him into his dress uniform, shave his scraggly looking beard and then get him into a truly inconvenient wheelchair to keep his leg elevated. Pretty much the whole town showed up but Stiles didn’t pay attention to anything but holding Allison’s hand on one side and Emily’s on the other. He kept his face carefully blank for the entire ceremony. But when the guns go off for the salute he almost loses the mask he's careful to keep plastered on his face. And when they hand Allison the flag after they’ve folded it she nearly crushes his hand but he doesn’t flinch. He deserves so much worse than the small discomfort.

He refuses to talk to anyone asking questions and Derek is nice enough to wheel him away from the crowd facing away from everyone so people will leave him alone.

Like he’d read Stiles mind he left him alone after that though. Emily sat with him and talked at him about what was happening behind him. Through her descriptions he got a picture of what happened mainly to Derek, his dad and Allison. She described everything, from Melissa’s family coming up almost all at the exact same time to three people approaching Allison with a bouquet of flowers. He listens as he describes what has to be Isaac, Boyd and Erica lending support for some unknown reason. Instead of wheeling himself over to talk he stays where he is.

It doesn’t make much difference because they come over to talk to him anyway. Erica, ever the bold, is the spokesperson of the day.

“Stiles. We’re sorry for your loss,” she says as they come around in front of his chair so he can see them. “And glad for you safety.”

Stiles nods but doesn’t say anything. Luckily, Stiles has a six year old on his lap who he is completely undeserving to father.

“Who’re you?”

All three of their searching looks get diverted to Emily then. After they introduce themselves and visit for another few minutes they leave. Stiles hasn’t said a word all day. He only breaks his silence when they talk about not taking him back to the hospital. He makes it clear that he will be going back because he hasn’t been discharged or gone through his psych evaluation.

Derek and his dad exchange a look but Stiles doesn’t care. He is not going to be around his daughter if he’s not safe. So they take him back and he sleeps in the semi comfortable hospital bed for another night. The next morning though, the therapist comes in and clears him to go home. He’ll have mandatory therapy sessions at least once a week. More if he feels it’s necessary.

Stiles is mostly nervous for what could happen at home and refusing to let anyone around him know just how guilty he is in all this mess.

*

Derek doesn’t know what to do anymore.

School is out for the summer so Emily and he have more free time in their days and the three of them could be doing any number of things to waste away the summer.

Instead, Emily is signed up for a summer rec program. The bus picks her up every day at whichever house she happens to be at. She goes to day camp and then the bus brings her home in the afternoon.

Stiles goes back and forth between his dad’s house and Derek’s. But no matter where he’s at he sits on the couch and does nothing. Derek can already tell that his stern, quiet, unyielding demeanor is an act. Stiles is putting on a mask and for the life of him Derek doesn’t know why.

For the first week Derek tried to get Stiles to talk, yell, _cry,_ anything but just sit there. But Stiles would respond with anything but words just nodding his head or shrugging his shoulders.

So Derek stops trying to push. He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do but he leaves Stiles alone. He’ll help get him around and to the bathroom. He’ll help cook him meals and bring him a plate on the couch. He carries the thin body of his boyfriend from the house to the car and then back again after they take trips to the hospital or if Derek takes him to his dad’s.

Derek can’t be sure if Stiles even talks to his therapist. John assures Derek that that is where Stiles is getting his outlet, that the psychiatrist is who he’s talking to. He just hopes John is right. Because along with the silence, Derek hasn’t seen Stiles cry at all. Aside from the first time he and Emily went to the hospital right when he got stateside, Derek doesn’t think Stiles has cried since. Stiles had told him how long it took to process Heather’s death; Derek hopes it doesn’t take 5 years for Stiles to let himself grieve for Scott.

So Derek backs off. He lets Stiles be in his own little world and takes care of him and Emily when the time allows. But Stiles doesn’t change. His tan fades a little, his face stays thin, his whole body keeps getting thinner and the circles under his eyes get more pronounced. And Derek tries not to let it affect him but he knows it shows on his face because he’s not that good of an actor. He just wants to make it better and he doesn’t know how and Stiles isn’t letting him in to do anything.

So Derek deals with being ignored and lets Stiles do what he needs but Derek won’t stand for Stiles ignoring his daughter.

Normally he doesn’t ignore Emily, is the thing. He’ll listen attentively when she comes home and tells him about her day at summer day camp. It’s the only time he shows any emotion on his face and lets the mask of indifference fade away. She seems to understand that her dad isn’t really okay and they make him tea a lot even when it isn’t Sunday.

But then there’s a day where Emily doesn’t have summer rec and Stiles has a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon. Stiles spent the morning ignoring everything more pointedly than normal and even turned away from Emily when she went to sit with him and talk. She shook it off and didn’t really seem to mind but Derek is _livid_.

They all get situated in the car later and take off for the hospital and Stiles still hasn’t really acknowledged anything much. Derek isn’t going to let this go without talking to Stiles but he figured he’d wait until after the appointment at the hospital to try and say something.

The hospital visit goes well as it concerns Stiles’ leg. Everything is healing right, there’s no infection and he’s upgraded to crutches and a walking cast. While Stiles gets the new cast put on and the crutches adjusted to the right height Derek takes Emily out to walk around keeping her occupied. They come back not even twenty minutes later and sit in the waiting room for Stiles to walk past. Ten minutes pass and Derek is a little curious but keeps waiting. After twenty minutes of waiting though he gets up to ask the nurse.

“Excuse me? I was just wondering how long it would be, I was here with Sergeant Stilinski? He was getting a cast put on his leg.”

She gives him a curious look and checks the computer.

“Um, he said you were waiting in the car and we let him go half an hour ago.”

“Oh, well, thanks,” he replies in surprise. They hadn’t talked about that so Derek goes back to get Emily and they make their way out of the hospital to the Toyota in the parking lot.

But when they get out there Stiles is nowhere to be seen.

Derek very carefully doesn’t panic, unlocks the door and gets Emily into her booster seat in the car. After he closes her door he looks around the parking lot and the benches in front of the hospital but Stiles isn’t anywhere to be seen. He pulls out his phone and calmly calls Stiles’ cell phone. He hangs up when it goes straight to voicemail and calls John’s office.

“Sheriff Stilinski.”

“John, it’s Derek.” He says into the phone hoping he doesn’t sound as anxious as he feels.

“Derek? What’s going on?” John sounds concerned and Derek realizes he’s never called him while he’s at work.

“We were at the hospital and Stiles was getting his cast put on so I was walking around with Emmy. We came back and waited for a while before I asked and the nurse said he left to wait for us by the car.”

Derek hears John sigh over the line sounding weary.

“Let me guess, he’s not at the car?”

Derek breathes out in a little relief because he’s not going crazy thinking Stiles just walked away somehow.

“He’s not, no.”

“Awh hell,” he hears John say and for some reason Derek can just picture him leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hand down his face. “I’m sorry Derek,” he hears next. “I had an idea he’d pull something like this. That boy is more like his mother than I like to acknowledge. Just- if Emily asks tell her that I’ll find him and that he’s fine. Could you take her back to your house? Might be easier to talk to Stiles if we both know she’s not on the other side of the wall listening.”

“Of course, just let me know when you find him?”

“I’ll call you first. Thanks for calling me Derek and don’t worry. He may be acting like an Army Ranger right now with this disappearing act but he’s still on crutches. There’s only so far he can get.”

Derek says his goodbye and feels marginally better. He gets in the car and somehow gets his way through an explanation to Emily. They stop and pick up Chinese for lunch, cookies for dessert and go back to Derek’s house. He’s unsure what the hell Stiles is doing but he hopes he’s maybe finally breaking down and dealing with his grief instead of ignoring it.

*

The sheriff sits back in his chair after he hangs up from the phone call with Derek. He’d been waiting for Stiles to try to get some alone time or whatever it is he needs. His wife used to do this. When they first got her diagnosis of frontal temporal dementia she walked right out of the doctor’s office leaving Stiles and him behind. He’d taken Stiles over to Melissa’s house and went to where he thought his wife might be. After looking at all her favorite haunts, the library, the coffee shop, the park by the school, he found her in the park on the other side of town. It’s the one with comfortable benches beneath a towering oak tree.

She’d apologized for walking away and said she just needed a moment alone. Of course she’d had hours to be alone and John couldn’t deny her the practice when she explained that she knew she wouldn’t get this once the dementia settled in. And then of course she was right because as the disease progressed she needed constant supervision until she ended up needing to be in the hospital full time.

When they lost her, John hadn’t been there, but Stiles was. That was one of the worst nights of John’s life; rushing to the hospital only to find his son, sitting in the hallway with his head in his hands trying to cry quietly. He’d been with Claudia when she died, he’d held her hand and told her they both loved her so much.

He’d pulled his son into his arms and held him as he went in to say goodbye to his wife. Stiles hadn’t run away then but years later when he had to go through the grief of losing Heather, Stiles had shut down similarly to what he’s been acting like the past couple weeks.

He gives himself a moment to think before he pulls his phone back up and calls Melissa.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Melissa it’s John. Are you at work?”

“No, I was just going to the cemetery,” her voice hitches ever so slightly, “the headstone came in a couple days ago and I have to approve it. I just got off work and have time so…”

She trails off and John feels bad for asking what he needs to but if she’s already going there.

“I hate to ask this, but Stiles walked away from the hospital and Derek and Emily today. I’m headed to Allison’s now. Could you let me know if you see him when you get there.”

“Of course, he still keeping a blank face?”

John sighs again, “Yeah. Maybe this is his way of letting whatever he’s bottling up out finally.”

“I’ll look and call you if he’s there.”

The sheriff thanks her and they hang up. He leaves the station after telling Parrish what’s going on and starts driving to where Allison lives alone now. He doesn’t make it to the house before his phone is ringing again though, Melissa’s name flashing on the screen.

“Is he-“

“You need to get here. Now.” She says and it sounds like she’s crying before the line goes quiet and John looks down and sees she hung up. He drives as fast as he can to get to the cemetery. He gets there minutes later, parks his SUV and quickly makes his way to where they buried Scott just a few weeks ago.

He isn’t expecting to see his grown son curled up on the ground, crutches strewn on the ground forgotten, his head resting in Melissa’s lap and sobbing into her as she holds him. He thinks Stiles is saying something but John can’t understand until he’s kneeling on the grass next to them. He reaches out and grabs Stiles shoulder so he knows he’s there.

He’s again unprepared. Because Stiles looks up and his face pinches in pain as he continues to cry.

But it’s Stiles’ words that really gut John.

“I’m so sorry dad. It’s always my fault. Mom, Heather, now Scott.” He chokes out between sobs. His kid looks between the two people he sees as parents. “I’m sorry; it’s all my fault. I’m sorry.”

John pulls Stiles to him but Stiles just keeps repeating that it’s his fault as he cries. John didn’t- none of it is Stiles’ fault. Scott wasn’t his fault, Heather wasn’t his fault and Claudia sure wasn’t his doing. He lets his kid get it out right there in the grass. Melissa moves over and they both hold on to him. John doesn’t care how long they sit there; nobody else is around and he’s got nothing but paperwork to do. And if his kid honestly believes the things he’s saying, John has to do something.

When Stiles’ tears slow John pulls him up and helps him get his crutches underneath him and then walk to the parking lot. They leave Melissa to finish what she needed to do and after she hugs Stiles tight one last time John gets his son in the vehicle and drives him back home. When they get back to the house he lets Stiles go in and wash his face in the bathroom.

John only gives him a minute before he sits him down on the couch in the living room and sits on the coffee table right in front of him. Stiles won’t look at him and that just won’t work.

“Look at me Przemysław," he says, his voice going steely and it gets the reaction he wanted. Stiles head snaps up and he locks eyes with him.

“You are not responsible for you mother’s death. I don’t know how an eleven year old could possibly be to blame for dementia.”

“But-“

“No, you were there when she died. You did not kill your mother.”

Stiles looks like he can maybe concede that point before he starts again.

“But Heather,” he shakes his head and looks down at his hands. “She wouldn’t have been out if she wasn’t going to get stuff for Emily. If she hadn’t gotten pregnant she’d still be alive.”

He reaches out and smacks the back of his kid’s head and Stiles looks back up at him mildly indignant.

“Don’t even go there. Heather was killed by a drunk driver. That could have happened with or without Emily. And you are not responsible for her death and you are not at fault for Scott either.”

“I _am_ though dad. Why can’t you see that it’s all because of me? I didn’t push hard enough for the mission to be scrapped. I couldn’t think of a good enough exit strategy and I broke my fucking leg otherwise he wouldn’t have even been out there!”

“Stiles stop it! You can’t blame yourself for what happened while you were both following orders. If you had a commanding officer that wasn’t an _idiot_ you wouldn’t have been given an impossible mission. You made it almost completely across that mountain with no supplies, no food and just the water you found as you went along. You are damn lucky you didn’t break your neck or get shot yourself. It is _not your fault_.”

He watches something change on Stiles’ face and hopes he’ll finally believe that. He knows Allison already had this talk with Stiles and John only hopes it’s finally sinking in. John shifts so he’s sitting on the couch next to Stiles and pulls him into his arms again. This time his tears are quiet and he wears himself out in minutes. Once Stiles is asleep, still laying on his chest, John just shifts slightly to get his phone out.

He calls the station and lets Parrish know the latest and after he hangs up calls Derek as well. John can’t believe how his son got so lucky to find a man like Derek. He’s shown time and again how much he wants to be in this for Stiles and will help him get past everything and hopefully live a life happily and without this guilt he seems to have put on himself. John just lets Stiles nap and doesn’t move until he wakes up.

After a while Stiles wakes up slowly and shifts off of John to sit up rubbing at his face.

“I guess I’ve been pretty stupid,” he croaks out, voice rough with sleep and his tears from earlier.

John just shakes his head again.

“Stiles, you are allowed to process the death of another one of your friends. He was your brother, I know. But you need to let us in and help you at some point. And you can’t keep just barely interacting with your daughter. She doesn’t know what it’s like to have you around enough to know that this isn’t normal, but you bet your ass this isn’t going to become the norm Stiles. You lost your friend. We all lost someone we loved. But we can’t stop living even though it would be the easy thing to do.”

Stiles sighs, “I need to apologize.”

John nods in agreement, “You do. But apologize and then _let it go._ ”

Stiles smirks for the first time in ages and side eyes John.

“Been watching Frozen a little bit there, Dad?”

“That movie is stupidly popular and that song is damn catchy.”

He huffs a laugh and John gets a bit more optimistic. Stiles pulls out his own phone and calls Derek. John goes to the kitchen to make him something to eat while they wait for Derek and Emily. Hopefully this marks the beginning of things getting better. Stiles is going to need enough help with his PTSD he doesn’t need to battle unnecessary grief and guilt on top of it.

*

Stiles calls Derek to come over to his dad after he ran (hobbled) away from him and Emmy at the hospital. Derek is…terse on the phone. Stiles knows he shouldn’t have just disappeared but he needed to get away. He hadn’t had a moment completely alone since Scott and his stupid leg was the main reason. He hadn’t truly minded Derek hovering and helping him. Hell, he basically carried Stiles to and from the car for three weeks.

What makes it an irritant is Stiles feels like a burden. He knows Derek told him he was in this and wants to just help Stiles get better. But he still feels guilty that Derek has to do all this work just for Stiles to function somewhere between soul crushing sadness and simple existence. He can’t try and push Derek away again though; Stiles doesn’t have it in him. He wants Derek to be there once he has his head on straight. So Stiles needs to apologize and it needs to be sound as meaningful as he feels.

He has been sitting still for so long just wallowing in guilt and grief that he’s extremely glad to be up and around now. So he takes advantage of it. His earlier excursion and cry fest left him exhausted but it seems the catnap with his dad on the couch gave him a boost of energy. So he’s up and walking around with his crutches when he sees Derek pull into the driveway. His dad beats him to the front door but leaves it open behind him and Stiles follows him out to the front porch.

Emily runs to him as soon as her feet hit the pavement from where Derek is helping her out of the car. She bypasses her grandpa and runs right to Stiles. She slows enough before she hits him that it doesn’t jar him too badly and he keeps his balance while she hugs around his good leg.

“Hey sweetie.” He pats her hair gently when she looks up at him with questioning eyes.

“Dad, where’d you go?”

“I went for a walk for a little bit,” Stiles says gently and looks up at Derek. His scowl and impassive demeanor should be more of a surprise to Stiles. It’s not. He looks back down at his daughter and tries to ease her worries.

“Just let me talk with Derek for a minute here and then I’ll come in and tell you all about my adventure, okay?”

“Okay, daddy,” she shrugs and lets go of him in favor of jumping at her grandpa who catches her and swings her up in his arms to carry her inside.

Stiles looks back around at Derek. Derek who is standing very nearly at parade rest with his feet apart, shoulders squared, arms crossed and jaw set. Stiles hasn’t really dealt with a Derek that isn’t happy, excited, or playful. He’s lately seen concern, sadness and worry, but this is new. This blank face that is completely void of emotion is kinda freaking Stiles out. Stiles is supposed to be the grumpy one, Derek’s always so happy. His voice sounds soft, even to him, when he starts the speech he’s thought over while he waited and paced.

“Derek, I need to apologize for today and how I’ve been acting lately. It’s- it’s one thing to grieve it’s another to shut down and force the people around you to do everything to take care of you. I shouldn’t have put that on you. Today I needed- I just needed it and I should have just told you I needed a walk or a minute or twenty alone but, I guess I’ve been wrapped up in my own head I wasn’t thinking clearly. I- I’m still trying to accept some things and let go of others but I- I think I’m ready to try and move forward. I mean, I can’t guarantee sunshine and rainbows right away but I can’t deal with my grief like I did when I was eleven or even when I lost Heather. And I would really appreciate if you didn’t give up on me just yet and stuck around."

"Because I’m sorry. For everything," he finishes lamely.

Derek has remained an impassive wall of silence the whole time Stiles tried to explain what’s been going on in his brain and apologizing for walking away like he did. When Derek doesn’t say anything for a moment Stiles opens his mouth to try to say something else. But Derek finally moves a few steps forward and puts up a finger to silence Stiles before he can start up again.

“I’m a big boy Stiles, I know how grief works and I wasn’t about to hold it against you.” Stiles sags in relief but Derek raises his hand as if to pause Stiles thoughts of forgiveness and continues. “What I can’t dismiss so easily is how you treated Emily today. You- you _ignored_ her at the house this morning and then you fucking _walked away._ What the fuck is wrong with you?” Stiles is wishing for the blank faced Derek because mad Derek is way worse. “Did you even think about the fact that with you popping in and out of her life between tours it’s like you just disappear for a while? And that you fucking disappeared this morning without telling us where the hell you went? I know she’s not my kid but dammit I won’t see her treated like that and I won’t stand by silently while you do it.”

Stiles really wishes he could stop crying at the drop of the hat but Derek- God he is perfect.

“Why are you smiling? I’m _yelling_ at you. Stop _smiling._ ”

Stiles half sobs half laughs at Derek’s outrage and crutches himself a few steps closer to get right in Derek’s space. Thankfully, Derek lets him in but he’s still got angry eyebrows and a full, deep, painful looking scowl.

“I’m sorry. You’re just- you’re yelling at me defending my daughter instead of how I treated you like an ass and you’re just- you’re too fucking perfect you know that?”

He doesn’t think a hug is welcome just yet but Stiles does let his head fall to Derek’s chest. With his forehead resting there Derek hesitates for only a moment before there’s a hand snaking its way around Stiles’ waist and another smoothing his hair back.

“You scared the shit out of me,” he says on a sigh and Stiles nods small enough to not dislodge Derek’s hand.

“I’m sorry. My brain gets away from me sometimes.” Stiles looks up and Derek’s hand falls to rest at the back of Stiles' neck keeping him in close. “I have apology tea steeping and cookie dough in the freezer to bake for her. And if my apology doesn’t meet your requirements I’ll do it again until it does. Nobody gets to hurt my girl. Especially not me.”

Derek leans in then and kisses him gently. He pulls back and whispers, “Apology accepted.”

They end up just holding each other for another moment before Stiles makes his way to the kitchen to put the cookies in the oven. Then he’s slowly making his way to the living room and easing down onto the couch right next to Emily.

He apologizes first thing and explains a lot more about everything to Emily, more than she’s gotten from him so far. He tells her about how he got hurt and Uncle Scott had to come rescue him and that’s how Scott got hurt and couldn’t get better. He tells her how much he misses his brother and he’s sorry he’s been so boring and quiet. He tells her he won’t ever ignore her like he did earlier in the morning and that he’s sorry he left without telling Derek or her where he was going. He needed to be alone but he shouldn’t have just left. She cries when he tells her about Scott but she looks so understanding for the rest. At the end she just hugs him and says what he always tells her when he’s leaving and she can’t stop crying.

“It’s okay to be sad right now, it’s okay to be down but you can’t let it keep you there. You have to get back up and find a reason to smile.”

They made it into their own little song and she grips his face between her little hands and sings it to him while she looks him dead in the eyes. He smiles and hugs her again until she wiggles away from him. She presses a kiss to his cheek and jumps down going to check the cookies through the oven door.

Stiles looks at Derek for confirmation that his apology was appropriate and genuine and the resulting look that has Derek shifting off the chair he’d been sitting in and onto the couch with Stiles is answer enough. Stiles suspects his dad noticed their silent exchange but they don’t say anything and try to start a different conversation.

So they talk about how summer day camp is going. How Stiles’ physical therapy will start soon. They talk about John’s work as much as he can tell them. It’s a nice distraction and Stiles is realizing not for the first time that he doesn’t deserve the people he has in his life.

*

It doesn’t get better overnight.

Stiles still feels incredible guilt about Scott and Heather but actually opening up to his psychiatrist is starting to help. He still has days where he doesn’t want to hardly move but he doesn’t ignore Emily and he tries to do more with Derek too and help around whichever house he happens to be in.

Being mobile and in physical therapy is another mode of distraction. He can get himself around the house, help with chores and cleaning and go for walks to clear his head when he gets overwhelmed.

When he first got home he was too exhausted every night to dream let alone have nightmares. Now that he’s fully settled into the calm civilian life his brain has decided his vacation from war is over.

He may still be in California but most every night he’s back in the desert, fighting to survive.

Initially, it had been too much of a pain to carry Stiles and his bulky cast up and down a flight of stairs at night and back down again in the mornings. Which meant that although he’s been sleeping at Derek’s for the last month or so off and on, he and Derek haven’t actually been in the same bed since before he left for Afghanistan. That way Stiles could argue to just leave him on the couch and then when the nightmares came he wouldn’t wake Derek up. It made sense when he still had the big, bulky cast on that made standing near impossible.

Once Stiles gets his smaller walking cast and can kind of do the stairs now, it’s not so easy to play off. The first night he gets himself up the stairs and into Derek’s bed he curls up into Derek’s chest.

He breaks the quiet with an apology.

“We did this whole thing kind of backwards, don’t you think? Kid first, then the dating, then the caretaking. This stupid cast- I haven’t even been able to just sleep with you more than once let alone take you to bed,” his eyebrow wiggle gets the huff of laughter and small smile he was aiming for.

Derek just shakes his head and kisses Stiles’ forehead fondly.

“Stiles, I can wait. For as many things I’d like to do with you someday, that’s not why I’m in this. The mind-blowing sex we’re going to have is of course a perk. And it will be _incredible_ , Stiles,” he adds voice dropping low and soft in Stiles’ ear making him shiver. “I think I like this just as much. Having you here safe in my arms is a lot more than I thought I’d ever end up with, Stiles. Sex or not I’m glad I have you here.”

Stiles doesn’t fight the blush and kisses Derek sweetly. He doesn’t dream that night at all.

The problem though is he does have nightmares when he sleeps with Derek. It’s not that he doesn’t have them when he’s alone, but Derek doesn’t turn out to be a cure-all for the nighttime ailment. The worst part is that he remembers. Whether he jolts awake mid-terror or sleeps through it and wakes in the morning as usual, he always remembers how he feels in the dreams. The fear, the pain, the heat, the _panic._

It’s awful.

And even when he bolts upright in bed with Derek, Derek doesn’t stir. He has to be the heaviest sleeper ever. And on the one hand Stiles is glad because it’s nice not to heap that stress on Derek on top of everything else. But, it’d be nice to have a hand to hold and have soothing words whispered in his ear when he can’t get his heart to calm down. It’d be nice to have someone to hold him and tell him he’s home, he’s not there, he doesn’t have to be afraid.  

Nightmares aside, things get better.

The summer day camps end for Emily but there are other programs to do too. They look over the list one weekend and let her mark all the ones she wants to do. Somehow none of them have overlapping days so they sign her up for all of them.

Mondays and Wednesdays are swimming lessons. They go to the public pool all together and Stiles and Derek either lounge on the chairs watching her learn or go for walks around the park the pool sits in. She learns fast and the teachers move her along to the next level instead of waiting for next summer. After they watch her master the basic techniques the teachers start to go over swimming tips for being in the ocean. They teach the kids about currents and what it feels like and what to do if you get caught in a rip tide. Stiles has memories of going to the ocean with his mom and never having any issues with tides or anything at the beach they were at.

Eventually he and Derek look up a kid friendly beach and they go in the middle of the week to the ocean. Picking a weekday meant that they had the beach almost completely to themselves. They swim and make sandcastles and bury Emily in sand. Stiles packed a picnic lunch they eat on the blanket spread out on the sand. Stiles’ tan gets darker and Emily gets slathered in sunscreen to prevent getting sunburnt. Derek doesn’t put on any, thinking his tan will save him, but ends up getting burnt all over his back and his face. Stiles doesn’t laugh even once when they get home and has to rub aloe gel into Derek’s skin and force him to drink water. Sunburn aside it’s still a good day and they’re all so worn out that they sleep through their alarms the next day.

Tuesdays and Thursday mornings are for painting. Emily loves it and when Talia visits one afternoon and the two of them spend nearly an hour discussing her work and the types of paints and the colors she’d used. Painting days soon become Emily’s favorite and she drags Stiles in with her for the third class. The teacher looks bemused but instead of making him sit the whole time watching kids of varying ages paint, she sets him up with an easel next to Emmy.

He’s never really counted himself as a creative type. He used to doodle in high school and if he had to sit through a meeting now, his paper would be more drawings than notes. But he’s never done this. The first thing he paints isn’t very good at all. But when the teacher asks what he was trying to paint and he tells her she takes away the paper and comes back with canvas and acrylic paint instead of watercolors.

It gets better. _He_ gets better. It’s easier to put what he’s picturing onto the canvas the more times he goes with Emily and sits himself down to paint. He mostly paints landscapes. His memories of the places he’s been. Afghanistan may hold some truly awful memories but there are good ones too. And the country, though war-torn, is still a beautiful place. People forget that Stiles thinks.

Thursday afternoons are dance classes and thankfully Emily didn’t inherit Stiles clumsiness. It’s pretty adorable watching her dance around in the room with the other little kids. The first day they go, Stiles gets cooed over by the mothers that are sitting watching like he was. He can’t decide if they’re enamored with a single father coming to watch his daughter dance or if they know who he is and want war stories or how he broke his leg. Of course, the cast comes off after a couple weeks and he brings Derek with to hold his hand and cheer for Emily. The women don’t chat him up quite as much after that.

Fridays Derek takes Emily to t-ball and Stiles spends the day with Allison. They get her signed up for a ‘what to expect when you’re expecting’ class and Stiles goes with her to every one. It seems between him and Allison’s best friend, Lydia, they’re getting a lot done to get ready for a baby. Stiles takes her garage sale hopping for a couple weekends. They get all the designer clothes that Lydia would have bought full price for quarters instead of dollars. They get clothes from newborn sizes all the way through to two years old to be as prepared as possible. Stiles helps her one weekend and they put together a crib and a changing table. He helps her paint the room to make it a nursery.

He even gets to go with and hold her hand during the ultrasound when they find out she’s having twins. And then the next one where they find out one baby is a boy and one is a girl.

It’s not always easy. Some days they don’t do anything productive at all. They’ll just sit on the couch together and stare blankly at the TV or order take out and eat until there’s nothing left. Sometimes they cry together like the day they found out the genders of the babies. He doesn’t think it’s the best way to cope but his psychiatrist assures him that there are much worse ways to deal with their grief.

Sundays are spent with John, no exceptions. They all sit in the living room and have tea and relax the afternoon away all together.

The routine helps distract Stiles. It’s less of a battle to get past wanting to spend the day thinking about how much he misses his brother when he has things he could be doing. He starts eating better and puts on some weight to make up for what he lost. His psychiatrist helps to a certain degree. It’s hard to admit to the nightmares and he’s somehow managed to avoid the topic completely. Going to physical therapy turns into daily workouts when the cast gets taken off his leg. He feels better when he starts working out again. He has more energy and less headaches. It’s another distraction and another outlet for his frustrations, his anger and his pain.

So the summer passes and Stiles feels like he’s getting better. The nightmares are still there but less frequent and he still doesn’t tell Derek about them. The guilt is still there but it’s closer to survivor’s guilt and further away from ‘I got him killed’ guilt. Oddly enough crowds make him nervous just as much as being alone does so Derek helps him avoid either from happening. Stiles and Emily still go back and forth between staying at Derek’s and living at home.

Stiles does a lot more cooking and cleaning and helping. He and Derek do a lot more talking and even get to go on a few real dates just the two of them. Stiles jumps Derek pretty much the day after the cast comes off. Emily is with John for the weekend and Stiles and Derek spend the whole day Saturday in bed. Even after their sex marathon Stiles doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of being with Derek like that.

As school approaches Derek has to start working to get ready for his new class. Stiles starts looking for jobs to keep himself busy as well. Derek looks at him funny when he tells him he’s not going to go to the academy to be a cop but try and find a job waiting tables or at a bakery or the library. Stiles has to explain that he doesn’t want to risk any triggers just yet. He’s avoided the loud noises and confrontations and crowds pretty much all summer and doesn’t know what’ll happen if he has to face any of it. Derek just holds him tight and Stiles realizes he was trembling in anxiety; worried about what could happen or what he would do or how he would react.

He finds a job at a bakery down the street from the school and Stiles gets to work during the school hours since he’s technically a single father. He starts a few weeks before school is set to start to get used to the work and his coworkers. It’s really just him, the owner and the owner’s daughter. The owner is a little old lady that reminds Stiles of his grandma and the daughter is Stiles’ dad’s age. There’s another part time employee but she’s only there for Stiles’ first week as he was replacing her. The ladies do most all the early morning baking leaving Stiles to run the front counter and bake mid-morning again. They stay with him most of the day but it will be his job to close the shop in the early afternoon once he gets settled.

He likes it there. It’s never too busy that he gets overwhelmed and he gets to bake just enough that it’s still fun and doesn’t turn into work. And he gets to be done in time to pick Emily up from school and drive her home. It’s going to be perfect once school starts and for the first time in a long time Stiles is looking ahead and isn’t dreading it.

*

The last weekend before school starts, the bakery gives him both days off. Since it is Labor Day weekend they tell Stiles that they don’t get busy on Saturday because everyone has left town already and they close for Sunday and Monday. Derek had to be at the school all week and Stiles and Emily went for a couple days to help him decorate his new classroom. Emily mostly colored and wandered around the school while they did the work but it was still a nice way to spend their last few days together before their vacation is over.

Since he doesn’t have to work and neither does John or anyone else for that matter, the Hales are throwing a barbeque. Stiles hasn’t met all the Hales yet and this should be a good way to accomplish that. It’s less stressful to meet them all when they can be outside and it won’t be so overwhelming for him and Emily. Emily has actually met more of them since she stayed with Talia for some afternoons while he was gone.

The plan is to stay the whole day so they’re over there right away Saturday by mid-morning. Any worries Stiles had about keeping his daughter occupied are wiped away when they get there. Derek’s nieces and nephews are only a couple years older than she is and they quickly become friends like kids are so capable of doing. 

Stiles gets to meet everyone. All of Derek’s siblings and their spouses or significant others are there. Isaac, Boyd and Erica are there and so is Allison and Melissa. Stiles even gets to meet Talia’s mother who Derek affectionately calls Nana the whole day. Over the course of the day Stiles meets Alex and Laura; the oldest siblings who are both married with a kid each. Younger than Derek is Cora and she’s dating Lydia Martin who Stiles went to school with. There’s two more younger siblings, Tom and Genevieve. Tom fresh out of college and Genevieve, the youngest, is in the middle of her degree.

Somehow after they’ve all eaten supper, Derek, Stiles and Laura all get pulled into a game of hide and seek in the woods before it gets dark. The woods are fairly clear of underbrush and there’s fewer places to hide than Stiles expects. It’s pretty easy to keep track of Emily and Alex’s son, Luke, is already too tall to go unnoticed. He figures Laura is watching out for her own daughter, Anne. They play a few rounds and Stiles ends up being the best hider of them all.

The last round they play they’re pushing it with the light. The sun already set and the forest is getting dark way too fast but they go for one more turn and everyone goes to hide. Stiles is seeking and finds everyone but Emily right away. It’s been a really good day and even with all the people he’s been around his anxiety hasn’t really been an issue at all.

But, now searching through the woods in the dim light for his daughter, something at the back of his mind ticks up and his anxiety starts to build. It’s like a growing thing that starts in the bottom of his gut and every passing moment he doesn’t find Emily it gets worse. He’s running to all the spots she’d hidden in before and then back to the clearing the Hale house sits in to see if she came back by herself. He runs up to Derek and spins him around uncaring that Derek was talking to his brother.

“Did Emily come back?” he pants, out of breath from running. Derek looks at him like he has crazy eyes and Stiles doesn’t stop to calm himself down when Derek shakes his head. He’s off and running back to the woods hearing Derek call after him. He doesn’t notice when most everyone save Allison and Nana start to fan out into the woods looking. All he knows is he can’t _find her_ and the panic is growing squeezing and constricting in his lungs.

He keeps running and calling out for her to just answer him and come out, he’s not playing anymore. And she _doesn’t_. God, he can’t breathe and he just needs to find her and this shouldn’t freak him out this much but he can’t help it. He has the feeling he’s done this before, that it doesn’t end well and he can’t shake it. He feels hot and it’s probably because he’s been running like a crazy person. He’s so far from the house now and he just can’t believe she’d get out this far but of course there’s a big pile of rocks on this stupid hill and it’s a good place to hide.

The rocks change shape in a flash. He gets a flicker of different rocks, different color, different shapes, more daylight. But it’s just a flicker and then he sees her. She’s fine just sitting there waiting for him to find her. But then it flashes in his vision again and he’s so _hot._ He sees his daughter one second and the next he sees a different little girl. Same age but oh so very different. It flickers in his vision again and his breathing goes quicker when he can’t shake the image away. Emily gets up and says something but he backs away because he doesn’t know what’s happening.

His heart is racing and the more he looks at Emily the less he _sees_ her. The flickers of a memory get longer until it’s all he can see. He watches as a soldier, and it’s him he thinks, runs to the girl and picks her up. She’d been shot and left to die and Stiles had found her while on a patrol between missions. He watches the soldier get the girl in his arms and take off running. He remembers carrying her for the mile and a half it took to get back to the base and the medic tent. He sees people shouting at him but their voices are wrong. His buddies sound like Derek and that just doesn’t make sense.

He can’t- he wasn’t supposed to go back there. He’s supposed to be home. The panic rises in his chest again and he can’t- can’t hardly breathe and he doesn’t understand. He’s getting dizzy like he’s not getting enough oxygen and that makes sense, it’s so hot it’s suffocating him. He feels himself falling but instead of pain he feels arms wrap around him and he has to fight the instinct to fight against the hold.

Then he smells cologne and that- that doesn’t fit. He takes another breath in through his nose and gets another hit of the scent and the desert fades from his vision and he sees the forest once again. He vaguely registers that his chest is heaving from exertion and his heart is racing but once he’s no longer in a memory he sees Erica right in front of him and Emily looking scared behind her. He guesses it’s Derek that’s holding him and he relaxes back into his hold slightly.

Erica shuffles forward slowly like she’s approaching a skittish animal and it’s not that far from the truth. She crouches down right in front of him and locks eyes with him.

“Stiles can you hear me?”

He nods at her not trusting his voice just yet.

“Flashback?”

He looks at her quizzically because he didn’t even know what to call what just happened. And while the word fits he’s wondering how she knew. After he slowly nods his agreement her face softens slightly and all she has to say is, “Isaac,” and he knows how she recognized what was happening.

He takes a minute to close his eyes and just breathe. As he leans back more fully he feels Derek wrap his arms around his torso and melts into his embrace. He only gives himself a moment and when he opens his eyes Erica is standing up again and Emily is hugging her side looking at him with apprehension. He raises a hand to beckon her to him and she all but throws herself at him. After she hugs him she pulls back slowly.

“You found me but then you started talking but I didn’t understand the words and you kept backing up away from me if I moved forward. Then Erica and Derek came up behind you and you almost fell but Derek caught you.”

She’s the most reliable witness and the most trustworthy too. She’s not old enough just yet to know how to use white lies to protect people. So he knows that if she says he didn’t hurt anybody he probably didn’t. He pulls her back into another hug.

“I’m sorry if I scared you. I was- remembering things from when I was fighting the bad guys.”

He hugs her for a moment longer until it’s time to get off the forest floor. Emily easily stands back up and Erica offers him a hand up. After he’s back on his feet he pulls Derek up and they all make their way back to the house. Stiles apologizes for making them worry when he ran up and they all shake their heads and say they’d do the same for Luke or Anne.

Derek doesn’t even try to make him stay there any longer after they get back to the house. John and Melissa had already left prior to the hide and seek game so it’s not awkward at all when they leave. Derek drives the three of them back to his house and Stiles is just grateful he can breathe again.

Stiles helps Emily get ready for bed while Derek is in the kitchen cleaning up from earlier in the day. They brush their teeth and get their pajamas on and Stiles reads her a chapter in the book they’re working through. By the time he kisses her goodnight, Derek is done in the kitchen and has jumped in the shower.

Stiles takes the minute alone to try and calm down. The nightmares were a bad enough symptom to try and deal with alone but flashbacks are far more unnerving. He goes down to the couch and sits alone to think. It doesn’t take long before he has to admit to himself that he’s going to need help with this. He can’t risk it happening on a regular basis with a daughter and a job. He pulls his phone out and dials the non-emergency number for his psychiatrist and leaves a voicemail for him to hopefully check in the morning.

He hears the shower stop on the floor above him and heaves himself up off the couch and walks back up the stairs. He feels both weary and keyed up at the same time. He doesn’t think sleep is going to happen anytime soon. Stiles starts to pull off his clothes and a minute later Derek walks out of the bathroom in his boxer briefs. Normally Stiles would be all over that tan, damp skin but tonight it doesn’t even cross his mind. He’s standing at the foot of the bed, just wearing his jeans still and Derek stands behind him again and wraps Stiles in his arms.

He leans back into Derek’s chest and for at least a moment feels completely safe and at ease. Of course the feeling evaporates when Derek whispers in his ear quietly.

“Want to talk about what happened today?”

He feels himself stiffen unconsciously and he shakes his head no. Derek lets go and Stiles gets his pants off, folds them and puts them away. Derek knows better than to push Stiles for more and just crawls into what’s become his side of the bed. Stiles follows and they lay on the bed under the covers facing each other.

With his head resting on his bent arm he looks at Derek’s worried face and suddenly feels guilty for keeping the nightmares a secret. Maybe then his having a vivid flashback in the middle of Derek’s family gathering wouldn’t have been quite so shocking. Derek reaches out and puts a hand on Stiles’ side above his hip, thumb rubbing somewhat soothing circles into his hipbone. He’s got his concerned face on and Stiles can’t just sit in silence.

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your family. I must have looked crazy.”

Derek scrunches his eyebrows in confusion and his hand moves to gently cup Stiles’ face.

“You weren’t an embarrassment Stiles, how could you even think that?”

Stiles shrugs, self-conscious and looks away from Derek’s concerned gaze.

“Stiles, short of you abusing me there isn’t much you could do to make my family not love you. You got me to move home and be happy again and they love you for it.”

Stiles just shrugs again and Derek sighs. He’s really good at not making Stiles deal with things until he’s ready to do it himself. Stiles doesn’t move or open his eyes when Derek leans forward and kisses his forehead and then pulls back to his own side of the bed.

Stiles lays there on his back staring at the ceiling listening to Derek breathe. He couldn’t sleep now even though he’s in bed and trying to. He waits until he hears Derek’s breathing go shallow and slow before he sneaks out of the bed and picks his way down the noisy staircase to the living room couch. When he flicks the TV on he makes sure the volume is on low and puts it on the kids channel. There shouldn’t be anything triggering on the Disney channel. After a while his body finally relaxes and he curls up on the couch with a blanket; head on a throw pillow and legs tucked up onto the couch. He shuts the TV off and lays in the quiet room trying not to think about the things he remembered in the woods. It feels like he goes from watching Wizards of Waverly Place one moment and asleep the next.

He’s in the desert. He’s wearing full body armor, his camo and his rifle. He leaves base in a helicopter, gets dropped a few miles out and makes his way under the cover of darkness to his target. He has to kill the latest in a long line of power abusing governors. It’s not a fun job, it’s not an easy job but he’s good at it and as long as they keep giving him missions he’s going to do them. Getting to a spot to set up his sniper rifle isn’t the hard part. Finding the man sitting outside his home on a bench in his garden isn’t the hard part. The hard part is the child playing at his feet. Stiles doesn’t know if it’s a selfish protective measure, keeping a kid around him at all times, or if the little girl just can’t sleep. He keeps his crosshairs trained on the man and watches for a long time, hoping the girl will go inside.

This is his last chance; he either takes out his target or the mission is a failure. The man stands to go inside and Stiles takes the shot. He’s too far away to hear the child scream. And he’s too far away for anyone to find where the shot came from. He gives himself just a minute of stillness in case they somehow catch his movement while they scan for a threat. He packs up his rifle slowly under the cover of the ridge and leans back. He’s never cried on a mission before but he can’t stop the tears as they flow down his cheeks.

Someone grabs his shoulder and he can’t believe he let someone sneak up on him. It’s all instinct to grab the person shaking him and pull them down and put just enough pressure for just the right amount of time and they fall unconscious. He steps backwards from his attacker chest heaving still unnerved that someone snuck up on him. That- that didn’t happen in the mission. He steps back and the cold, smooth wood floor of Derek’s living room brings him back to the present. The cold grounded him out of the memory but when he can see what’s real and in front of him he panics all over again.

It was Derek. Derek shook him awake and Stiles attacked him. Oh god he choked him. Stiles lunges forward and searches for a pulse and breathing. He finds both but doesn’t relax in the slightest. He fumbles for his phone and calls his dad. It rings for what feels like an eternity before his dad picks up.

“Dad? Dad. I- I hurt Derek. He’s- he’s not waking up. I need to- to take him to the ER. But- but Emily-“

“Go kid, I’ll be there in five to watch out for her.”

His dad hangs up and Stiles flies to action. He’s got his Converse thrown on his feet in a moment, front door open and the back door to his Suburban as well. He runs back in the house and thanks whoever is listening that he started working out again. Derek isn’t the smallest guy but Stiles carries him bridal style out of the house and lays him in the back of the SUV with ease. He grabs some shoes for Derek when he closes the front door and as he rushes back to the driver seat of his car he hears a siren in the distance and knows his dad will be there in minutes to be in the house with his sleeping child.

Driving to the hospital takes no time at all and because it’s fuck o’clock in the morning no one else is at the ER. If Stiles is really lucky Melissa will be on duty and he won’t have to answer for domestic violence charges. Although he probably should; he just strangled his boyfriend. He parks with a screech of tires in the first spot, grabs his keys and then maneuvers Derek out of the car. He still hasn’t woken up and Stiles knows he looks crazy with panic when he runs into the hospital with Derek in his arms.

Someone is looking out for Stiles because his pseudo mother is definitely there and definitely ordering a gurney for Stiles to put Derek down onto and then pushing him to sit in a chair and explain. He tells her about the flashback and then the nightmare and waking up after subduing someone in his dream but he really woke up and saw that he’d wrapped his hands around _Derek’s_ neck and now he’s not waking up. She holds his hands until they’re not shaking as hard and listens to him tell the story and doesn’t have an ounce of judgment on her face when he tells her what he did.

She ends up shoving an intern down into the chair next to him and orders the guy to make sure Stiles doesn’t leave. Stiles doesn’t think he could move even if he wanted to. He’s hit with a wave of exhaustion after the panic abates when he knows Derek is getting medical attention and will probably be fine.

He doesn’t stay like that long before his anxiety is back and he finds himself pacing in the hospital corridor. He hears in the distance a ruckus and hears someone yelling and struggling. He doesn’t anticipate even for a minute to see Derek shoving his way out of the hospital room, still barefoot with a searching look on his face.

When he sees Stiles his face hardens in resolve and Stiles feels himself crumple. This is it. The best thing that ever happened to him and Emily is going to walk away because Stiles was too proud to admit he needed help with some stupid nightmares. He’s vaguely aware that he’s on the floor of the hallway, back pressed against a wall with his head in his hands. He’s very much aware of the fact that he’s crying once again.

Stiles has his knees tucked up to his chest and his head buried in his hands. He hears and feels Derek drop down to the floor in front of him and there's nothing gentle about the way Derek pushes Stiles hands away and holds his face in his hands so Stiles has to look at him. He still looks determined and angry and Stiles doesn't know why he has to be so close to say they're done. Couldn't he have just walked away and made it easy?

"No. Stop. Whatever you're thinking, Stiles, stop it." His voice is rough and it's just another reminder of why they're at the hospital in the first place. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Why not?" Stiles croaks wanting little more than to put some space between them but when he tries to shift away to the side Derek follows him. "I hurt you. All I do is add stress to your life." He says shaking his head. "Why do you want to stay with that? I can't hurt you again Derek I-"

"On your feet sergeant." A voice commands above him and his body reacts before his mind can think not to. He's standing at attention in barely a second while Derek is still on the floor. It takes a moment to recognize who ordered him to his feet. The normally professionally dressed psychiatrist is standing there in sweats, a T-shirt, sneakers and glasses. For as much as he still wants space between himself and Derek he reaches out a hand and pulls Derek to his feet.

"Sergeant, please escort Mr. Hale back to his hospital bed. We are going to have a conversation and it should be held in private. Not in a busy hallway."

It's instinct to follow the commanding voice and do as he's told. The doctor and the nurses fuss over Derek for few minutes and get him back on a bed to examine him. After they have deemed him okay to be discharged they leave to get the paperwork for him to fill out. Stiles bets it's going to take a little longer than normal.

He collapses into the chair between the bed and the window and prepares himself for the pending onslaught of questions. As suspected Dr. Johnson wastes no time in sitting and opening his notebook.

"Walk me through what happened Stiles."

"We were at Derek's parent's house playing hide and seek in the woods when we lost track of Emily. When I found her I- I flashed back to a mission between targets when I found a little girl abandoned or lost and carried her to our base that was a couple miles away. I think I was falling or going to fall because Derek caught me and his cologne grounded me out of the memory. We went home shortly after but I couldn't sleep.

"I went down to the couch and watched TV until I could calm down enough to sleep. I just remember reliving a mission, I was remembering that I cried for the first time over there after a target had been taken care of and then someone grabbed my shoulder and I- I just reacted but it- it was Derek and I strangled him and when I came out of it he was unconscious so I rushed him here because I didn't know if I'd hurt him badly or not."

He watches as the man just finishes his notes and turns to Derek.

"Now you."

Derek looks surprised to be ordered to speak but recounts the day from his point of view.

"We were spending the day with my family and playing in the woods when Stiles ran up and said he couldn't find Emily. So we all, very pregnant Allison and very frail grandma not included, spread out into the trees. It's not the first time a kid has been a little lost out there and it won't be the last. I tried to follow the direction Stiles went and my friend Erica who's a nurse was with me and I came up to a hillside with rocks that I used to hide in and saw Stiles speaking some other language and then he seemed to lose his balance or something because he was falling and then I caught him.

"Erica had been right behind me and had seen his face and asked if it was a flashback. We got back to the house fine and then went home. Stiles put Emily to bed. I showered and we went to bed. I fell asleep but woke up a couple hours later and Stiles wasn't there. So I went downstairs and he was crying in his sleep and I know they all said not to wake him up if he was having a nightmare. But I had to try. But they were right because he sprang up and caught me off guard and had his hands around my throat. And then I woke up here."

Again the doctor wrote his notes for a minute after Derek was done talking.

"Okay, well, Derek. What would you like to see happen with the rest of this night?"

"To go home, make Stiles a cup of his favorite tea and put him into bed and then crawl into the guest bed so he's more comfortable."

"So you have no intention of leaving Mr. Stilinski because of the events that took place tonight?"

"None at all."

"Why not?" Stiles croaked out again. He just doesn't understand how Derek could want him back in his house after Stiles strangled him.

"Because once is an incident Stiles. Not a pattern of behavior. You weren't trying to hurt me you were trying to protect yourself."

"I have to agree with Mr. Hale, Stiles." Dr. Johnson says before Stiles can get a word in about maybe Stiles needing to give Derek space to think about it all. "You have a support system with Derek, your father, Allison, Melissa and to a degree, your daughter. Pulling away from any of them isn't going to help you Stiles. Was this your first nightmare?"

Stiles hangs his head mildly ashamed of himself and quietly admits, "No."

"How often a week do they occur?"

"Four or five days out of seven."

It's not as hard to admit as he's been thinking it would be. Now that it's out for everyone to know he's expecting frustration from his doctor and mild betrayal from his boyfriend. But when he looks up he sees his doctor writing, unaffected and Derek doesn't look hurt or worried any more than he did before. It occurs to him then that Derek must have either assumed or knew he was having nightmares.

"You knew that?" He asks Derek.

Again Derek doesn't respond like Stiles thinks he should when he turns to face him and simply nods.

"I'm not that heavy of a sleeper, Stiles. But the first few times you didn't wake me up or seem to want me to touch you because you'd always roll away to the other side of the bed. I assumed you didn't like to be touched afterwards or something." He pauses when Stiles makes a face. "Which I'm guessing was the wrong assumption. Why didn't you wake me up when they first started?"

"Things were- we were getting better. I felt like I was actually contributing to this relationship instead of just- being a leech."

Derek shakes his head sadly.

"Stiles if you thought the only thing you did, by being with me was leeching off me, I have something to apologize for."

Stiles sniffs and wipes at his eyes, deflecting because Derek can't make this worse by being guilty. Stiles has that market cornered for himself.

"You said 'they said not to try and wake me.' Who's 'they'?"

Derek snorts lightly and goes with the conversation turn.

"You really think I'd be in love with you and not research ways to help with your PTSD? I'm on a forum for PTSD spouses and read through miles of advice and most of them said not to wake the person if they were having a nightmare. The people with the nightmares most of the time said they'd rather be left alone to not endanger their partner. But some said they appreciated being relieved of the terror. You were crying Stiles. You haven't ever done that in your sleep and you haven't since the day you walked away from the hospital. I wanted to try."

"Yeah and look where that got us." Stiles quips before he can stop himself.

"Hey-" Derek starts finally getting indignant, tone angry and harsh.

"I have a suggestion to make before we adjourn this late night session," Dr. Johnson interrupts.

"What."

"What?"

They both snap at the forgotten third person in the room, tempers heating up.

"Derek, how do you feel about dogs?"

They both deflate at the odd question.

“Um, we had a family dog growing up. But when most of us grew up and moved out my parents didn’t get another dog when Buddy died.” He shrugs. “I like dogs though, no allergies or anything.”

“Stiles?” the doctor prompts.

It hits Stiles then, what he’s proposing.

“I always wanted one but my mom was allergic. And then my dad and I weren’t around often enough to take care of one. Neither I nor Emily have allergies either.”

“Great, then how do you feel about possibly getting a type of service dog?”

*****

Who knew getting discharged from a hospital would be such a pain in the ass? Derek is already so done with this night and just wants to go back to sleep. He feels so stupid. He knew he shouldn’t have tried to wake Stiles up but- he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t let Stiles stay in whatever memory he was reliving that was making him _cry_ in his sleep.

The doctors all say he’s fine. Stiles didn’t hardly even bruise him which is weird but really nice because he starts school in a day. Somehow Stiles’ psychiatrist showed up and after hearing what happened the previous day made an executive decision to send them home to think about getting a dog to act as a companion for Stiles.

So after way too much paperwork and forcing Stiles to keep his ass in the chair and not go out to get Derek shoes from the car, they are walking out of the hospital. Stiles insists on carrying Derek from the door to the car and Derek conceded and rode piggy back to make him happy. The car ride back to Derek’s house is quiet.

When they walk in the front door they’re ambushed by John. Stiles had walked in first and Derek walked up and stood next to him as John came up and grabbed them both. The hand on the back of his neck is a surprise but its grounding. He’s forced to look at John and he peeks out of the corner of his eye and sees Stiles is in the same hold.

“You boys need to learn the importance of _checking in_. Got it?” They nod as much as his grip will allow. “Now, are you okay?”

“We’re fine, sir.”  
“Did you call, Dr. Johnson?”

“Yeah, you gave me his emergency number and when you called going to the _emergency room_ I feel like that constituted an emergency call.”

Derek watches Stiles deflate and John lets them go. They make their way to the living room and Derek collapses on one end of the couch, Stiles plops down next to him in the middle and John eases onto the other end. Derek has a big feeling of, ‘now what?’ but before he gets a word out John asks for an explanation. Stiles tells him about losing Emily, the flashback and the nightmare. The trip to the hospital and part of the conversation with Dr. Johnson.

In the end, John is supportive of them still being together and working through things and he thinks a dog could help and certainly couldn’t hurt. They all agree that Stiles and Derek are going to sleep later than Emmy will, so John stays on the couch while Stiles and Derek go upstairs to the bedrooms. Stiles is willing to stay but not in the same bed. He can’t risk anything else tonight and Derek is willing to respect that.

He lets Stiles go to the guest bedroom and falls into his bed.

He’s thinking about how it’s weird that after just a short time of sharing a bed it suddenly feels very wrong to be alone now.

He falls asleep faster than he thought he would and sleeps like a rock. He wakes up a few hours later and checks his phone to see it’s nearly 10:30. He can hear movement down on the first floor and guesses Emily is up with John. He stumbles out of bed and walks to the guest room wiping the sleep from his eyes. As Derek opens the door Stiles is just getting out of bed.

Derek tries for a smile but Stiles is back to being blank faced with sadness or guilt or both.

“Want some breakfast?” he asks and Stiles nods.

Derek goes the bathroom and then gets himself down the stairs. He’s still a little tired but an early morning excursion to the ER will do that. By the time he gets to the kitchen Stiles is there sitting at the island with Emily and John already nursing a cup of coffee. John is a wonderful person who is entirely too perceptive for his own good.

“Well, boys. I told Emmy that when you two sleepy heads would wake up that we’d go get breakfast. I have a feeling that you need to have a little visit so Emmy and I are going to Angie’s Diner to pick up brunch and bring it back.”

Stiles nods and Derek goes to grab his wallet but John waves him off. Emily and John leave and Derek sits across from Stiles with a cup of coffee for himself. He’s still sitting there looking for all the world sad and dejected.

Foolish man.

“Ok so I’d like to clear up a couple things before we move on from last night completely.”

Derek starts his speech and Stiles doesn’t really react. But Derek isn’t deterred, he has some things to say and Stiles is going to listen.

“I think you’re having a little trouble seeing who you really are. Because if you think you’re just a burden on my life we have a serious problem with this relationship.”

That gets his attention.

“You are the soldier I got to know through letters. You became the person I talked to the most, believe it or not. The only one who understood me well enough to explain that I missed my crazy overbearing family and needed to move home. So I did. I moved home and I got a job that I love and students I loved even more. And then miracles of miracles, I got to meet you in person. Who knew I’d be drawn to you even without knowing you were my soldier. Then it turned out you _were_ my soldier and you were the parent of my favorite student that I spent an unreal month with.”

“Then you left and I had to make a decision of whether or not I wanted to invest myself in you, in Emily and in our relationship. I told you a few times already, but I’m going to tell you again, Stiles. I love you. A whole hell of a lot. And what happened last night doesn’t change that.”

“Stiles, I must have failed you if you really think the only thing you bring to this relationship is being a burden.”

Stiles finally looks at him with the most open expression Derek has seen before. It hits Derek like a punch to the gut that he really does just feel like he’s a burden for Derek.

“Stiles think about all the things you’ve done for me this summer. Think hard. Remember that you were the one who has been here almost every day of the week taking care of me. You have cooked for me for months now and if you want to shrug that off believe me when I say I would have developed scurvy a long time ago if you hadn’t taught me how to eat healthy again. There’s also the fact that you helped me finish putting this house together to make it a home, our home.”

“And then the day when we went to the ocean all together and I basically got second degree burns on my back and you took care of me no questions and no laughing. If I had called Laura she would have laughed for five minutes, hung up the phone, called back an hour later and repeated the process. But you just treated the burns and helped me get rehydrated.”

“Of course there was also the first time Emmy went to t-ball and came home and said that she didn’t like it that much. And after I grouched and grumbled for the next few days you sat me down and told me Emily didn’t think I liked her anymore and to pull my head out of my ass and apologize. You weren’t hesitant to call me out on my bullshit. And when we went back over the next few weeks she started to like it and it got to be something we could do together.”

Stiles looks a lot less miserable. His face is soft with relief and his eyes look watery. But Derek isn’t done.

“When all I wanted to do was complain about my mother when she meddled once again into my life you talked me down from giving up and moving back to New York. Or when the anniversary of my- of when my baby brother died from wounds he got in the fire- you. You told me it wasn’t my fault. Just like I needed to hear and just like I keep telling you about the things you still won’t talk to me about.”

He keeps his eyes on his coffee and keeps going when he hear Stiles sniffle.

“I’m in this for a while Stiles. I want to help you through these nightmares and get you to a point where you feel comfortable managing your PTSD. And not because you do things for me or because I feel the need to fix you.”

Derek looks up from his coffee again and sees tear tracks on Stiles face. But he also sees a small smile.

“You get me. For as much as you think I help you, you help me Stiles. I still feel like you do everything yourself to put yourself back together and I’m just along for the ride. You’re not using me and you’re not going to hurt me because you want to. I’m not walking away and frankly I don’t want to. Getting a dog in this context wasn’t ever an idea in my mind but it’ll work. Stiles, I _like_ dogs and if it could help keep you calm on bad days or ease you out of nightmares better than I can, I’m all for it. Plus, Emily will probably love it.”

Finally Derek gets a laugh. It’s still a little sad and weak but he gets Stiles to huff out a laugh and Derek watches him run a hand down his face and through his hair. He looks up with a sheepish smile.

“I don’t deserve you even a little bit.”

Derek laughs into his coffee as he takes a sip.

"Love you too, babe."

He thinks Stiles might finally be getting it.

John and Emily are already back and Stiles is close to being his normal animated self with his daughter and his dad. Brunch is nothing short of just plain fun and when John takes Emily for the afternoon Stiles pulls Derek straight into their bedroom.

He doesn’t even get undressed just pulls Derek down onto the bed and pulls him into his arms for a nap.

Just before they fall asleep, Stiles whispers, “I want to get better. And I want you to be there when I’m me again. I love you. A whole hell of a lot, Derek.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Stiles has a flashback and a nightmare and comes out of the nightmare and hurts Derek if these will trigger you please don't read it.


	4. Epilogue

Christmas was always a fantasy to Stiles. Growing up it was just his dad, his mom and him to celebrate. There was no extended family to see or friend groups to gather with. They always decorated a little and gave each other gifts but it didn’t hold that much importance to him. He never had that picture perfect Christmas celebration they show in the movies. And after his mom died it was even harder to find a reason to celebrate a day that wasn’t any different than the one before it.

But then he had a kid. And every time he missed a Christmas the more he wanted to be there. He’s wanted for so long to give his daughter the ideal holiday celebration and now he’s going to be able to.

After the night he hurt Derek things changed in their routine.

Stiles had started weekly sessions again and after two meetings Dr. Johnson set up an appointment to get Stiles a dog. It wasn’t as cut and dry as going to pick one up from the pound though. They ended up driving out to the company that does the training and spent some time with the dogs to see which one was the best.

Stiles got to go home with a beautiful golden retriever that day and went to training with her for nearly a month and a half. Sadie is the best thing to happen to Stiles since meeting Derek. She is nearly always with Stiles and somehow knows when he’s having a bad day with his PTSD.

With the change in treatment and the introduction of Sadie into his life he had to ask for some time off from the bakery. He had to tell the ladies about his PTSD and that his doctor wanted him to take some time to get himself better. They told him that whenever he got himself sorted out he’d be welcome back to the job and they’d manage without him for a few months. Some days he misses it but Dr. Johnson wanted him to wait for the New Year before he tried to go back and Stiles is willing to follow that rule.

Actually admitting to having nightmares changed how Dr. Johnson approached treatment. With the changes Stiles initially had them more frequently, but by talking about what he has been remembering and going through missions that still weighed on him it helped him let some of it go. Once Sadie came into the picture it changed again. He would wake up from Sadie and then Derek would be there to calm him and let him know he was home and safe.

Things with Derek only got better. Once Stiles let himself admit that he was a valid part of their relationship and not just a leech on Derek and his family, he saw how much he does for him already. Stiles and Emily move in full time at Derek’s house. Emily’s room was already hers, but it stops being Derek’s room and turns into ‘their room.’ Stiles becomes something of a househusband. He cooks and cleans and does the shopping. When Derek gets a cold from his class, it develops into bronchitis and Stiles gets to spend almost two weeks nursing a grumpy, whiny man child back to health. But it makes Stiles feel useful. It lets him see how much he really does. It also lets him see how much Derek does as well.

He gets permission from Dr. Johnson to try being in private security. But the second job he works he has to break up a fight and subdue one of the men involved. By the time he got himself home after the job was over and the guy was arrested, he ended up curled up in the front entry way shaking and trembling until Sadie and Derek found him. Luckily Emily was fast asleep and didn’t see him like that. Dr. Johnson apologized for approving it when he really was just testing Stiles limits. That was when they decided he would go back to the bakery since he enjoyed it so much. Also, that it would take a lot of time and convincing before he would get to go to the academy to be a cop. That was mainly in light of the fact that he probably wouldn’t pass the psych evaluation anytime soon.

Allison gave birth to the twins just after Thanksgiving. They are early like most twins but Stiles is there and holds her hand through all those painful hours of labor. But the night ends with Allison holding her new, beautiful babies and it’s all worth it. She names them Amber Melissa and Jacob Scott. Melissa and John are the first to visit before she falls asleep. Mainly because they were in the waiting room the whole time getting updates from Stiles.

Through efforts to help Stiles, Derek incorporated Stiles family right into his and his group of friends. It’s unsurprising that Allison fits right in with Isaac, Boyd and Erica. Of the three, Isaac and her really spend a lot of time together and hit it off the best. John already knew the Hales but Melissa and Talia get along like two mothers are able to do. It’s an unorthodox group of people but Stiles thinks it works.

They take shifts helping out with the twins. Stiles takes the first two sleepless weeks because he’s the one who’s done it before. Boyd and Isaac take the next week. And it goes on from there. Allison’s own parents basically abandoned her when she decided to marry Scott. The high society couple didn’t approve of the middle class soldier their daughter wanted to spend her life with. They don’t even come to see their grandchildren when Stiles calls them. But between the Hales, John, and Melissa she has parents all around her that actually care about her.

Christmas rolls around and everyone is at the Hale house.

Stiles is comfortably settled on the loveseat with Derek next to him and Sadie at his feet. No one questions Sadie anymore. Not that they questioned her presence at the beginning but by now it’s like she’s just as much a member of this rag tag family as any of the rest of them.

The day is perfect.

Emily gets to wake up to presents from Santa. Stiles cooks them a big brunch and they go over to the Hale house in the afternoon. She gets to play with Derek’s niece and nephew again and they have as much fun as possible playing in the snow in the backyard. Stiles gets to sit with Sadie and talk with Laura and Alex about Derek and stories of his childhood.

They all sit down for a big turkey dinner in the dining room with candles and fancy napkins on the table and everything. Then they sit down in the family room with the Christmas tree with presents piled under it and a cheery fire blazing in the fireplace. They drink hot cider and open presents. Through some 'miscommunication' all the kids get piles of presents, including Emily. Stiles is going to have to deal with an incredibly spoiled child after the night is over but Stiles couldn’t care less at this point.

His little girl is happy and he got to be home for the first Christmas with her in four years.

When the night is over Stiles carries his sleeping daughter to the suburban. She’s already wearing pajamas; they were her gift from Talia who has been promoted in his daughter’s eyes from Ms. Talia to Nana Talia. Derek drives them all home through the freshly falling snow. Stiles really doesn’t think his night could get any more perfect.

Of course that all changes when they get home, get Emily in bed and get curled up themselves in their bed with Sadie on her bed on Stiles' side.

Derek pulls out a box and Stiles does the same. They trade and Stiles waits for Derek to open his first. He watches Derek peel back the wrapping and pull out a worn journal.

“That- that holds my mission log. It holds all my memories of the targets I dealt with in my three tours. I can walk you through it one day just not- not right now. You pick the day and I’ll tell you,” he blows out a breath, “whatever you want to know.”

Derek holds the book in his fingertips with a look of awe on his face as he looks at it.

“I, uh, have to be honest Stiles, I was not expecting this. A bottle of cologne or something yes, but not. Not this.” He grabs the book in a fist and looks up at Stiles. “Thank you, Stiles.”

Stiles nods and ignores the tear Derek swipes away in favor of looking down at his own present. He rips the shiny wrapping paper from the present and takes the lid off the box he uncovers. Inside the box is another box. Suspiciously looking like a ring box. He tries to keep his heart in check but for as sleepy and relaxed as he was a minute ago his heart is racing in his chest. He pops the box open and-

It’s empty.

He looks over at Derek and finds him smiling with the ring held out and a small smile on his face.

“I lied to you when I called you in Afghanistan that first time,” he starts, succeeding in confusing Stiles. “When I told you I wasn’t asking for forever.”

Stiles' breath catches and he feels a smile grow across his face. He looks across at the man he loves with everything he has and leans across the bed to kiss Derek around their matching grins.

“I really wouldn’t want to have you, any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side comment: [this post](http://acountrygirlsfun.tumblr.com/post/90419083533/foxinu-nsfwjynx-the-pink-mist-there-was-a/) inspired Sadie

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think and come find me on [Tumblr](http://acountrygirlsfun.tumblr.com).  
> I'm in graduate school so just come talk to me while I wallow in anxiety? Pretty please?
> 
> There's an edit I made for this story on my tumblr [here](http://acountrygirlsfun.tumblr.com/post/127167546953/teen-wolf-sterek-au-from-desert-to-home-by/)  
> Check out the sequel to this :)


End file.
